Narrator: A toddler screams for another ride on the carousel, and her exhausted mother gives in, again and again. A teenager, denied money, yells an expletive at his father and storms off, his disrespect unchecked. A seven-year-old, served broccoli in a restaurant, gives his mother a defiant glare and pushes the entire serving onto the floor. These scenes of parental frustration and childhood rebellion are painfully common. They represent a dynamic where children seem to hold all the power, leaving parents feeling defeated and wondering where they went wrong. In his book, Have a New Kid by Friday, psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman argues that this power imbalance is not an accident. He presents a startlingly direct action plan for parents to reclaim their authority, transform their child’s behavior, and restore mutual respect to their homes in just five days.

Narrator: Dr. Leman's central premise is that children, from toddlers to teens, are effectively "unionized." They have an uncanny ability to work together, test boundaries, and manipulate situations to get what they want. This isn't necessarily malicious; it's a learned strategy. They discover what works, and they stick with it. This leads to a pervasive sense of entitlement, where children expect their demands to be met and show little respect for authority. Parents often find themselves in constant, exhausting battles over everything from screen time to chores, leading to a home environment filled with stress instead of harmony. Leman argues that many modern parenting philosophies, which over-emphasize a child's happiness and self-esteem, have accidentally fueled this problem. By constantly smoothing the path and shielding children from disappointment, parents inadvertently create what Leman calls "BratZ—with a capital Z." The first step to change, therefore, is for parents to recognize this dynamic and understand that the ultimate responsibility for shifting it lies not with the child, but with them.

Narrator: To change a child's behavior, one must first understand its root cause. Drawing on Adlerian psychology, Leman explains that all behavior is purposive. For children, the primary purpose is often a deep-seated need for attention and a sense of belonging. If they can't get that attention through positive actions, they will instinctively resort to negative ones. A child acting out is often sending a coded message: "Pay attention to me, please!" This reframes misbehavior not as random defiance, but as a misguided attempt to fulfill a legitimate need.

Consider the story of four-year-old Matthew. After telling his mother "I hate you!" in the car, he arrives home and expects his usual after-school snack of milk and cookies. This time, his mother tries a new approach. She calmly tells him that because of his hurtful words, there will be no cookies today. Matthew, accustomed to getting his way, follows her from room to room, his demands escalating into a full-blown meltdown. Though he eventually apologizes, his mother stands firm. She accepts the apology but maintains the consequence. Matthew is stunned. By breaking the established routine and connecting his behavior to a direct consequence, his mother created a powerful, teachable moment that disrupted his learned pattern of disrespect.

Narrator: Leman introduces the "ABCs" of parenting: Attitude, Behavior, and Character. He argues that a child's Attitude is the gateway to their Behavior and, ultimately, their Character. Crucially, he states that attitudes are "caught, not taught." Children absorb and mirror the attitudes of their parents. Therefore, if a parent wants to change their child's defiant attitude, they must first examine their own. The key to transformation is for the parent to shift from reacting emotionally to responding calmly and strategically.

In one example, a mother asks her ten-year-old daughter to take out the garbage. The daughter refuses, burying her nose in a book. The mother's initial instinct is to react with frustration, raising her voice and escalating the conflict. Instead, she tries a new tactic. She calmly walks away without another word. Later, when the daughter asks for a ride to the store, the mother simply and calmly says no. She doesn't lecture or bring up the garbage. She lets reality be the teacher. The daughter misses out on the store trip, a direct consequence of her earlier refusal to contribute. The parent remained in control, avoided a power struggle, and taught a lesson in responsibility without a single threat or yell.

Narrator: Many parents get caught in the trap of short-term thinking, focusing on making their child happy in the present moment. Leman urges parents to adopt a long-term perspective, asking themselves: "What kind of adult do I want my child to become?" This question shifts the goal from immediate gratification to building long-term character. He outlines three parenting styles: permissive (too lenient), authoritarian (too strict), and authoritative (a balance of love, respect, and accountability). The authoritative parent is the most effective because they build a strong relationship while maintaining clear boundaries.

Leman shares several cautionary tales of how ignoring small issues in childhood can lead to major problems later. Henry, caught with marijuana at age 11, was believed when he said it was a one-time thing; he was in rehab for meth addiction by 17. Miranda, whose parents ignored her taking small things from her sister and mother, was eventually arrested for shoplifting. These stories underscore a difficult truth: small, seemingly insignificant acts of defiance or dishonesty, if left unaddressed, can set a trajectory for serious long-term consequences. Parenting with the end in mind means having the courage to be "mean" enough to enforce rules today for the sake of the responsible, well-adjusted adult of tomorrow.

Narrator: Parents often fear damaging their child's psyche or self-esteem. Leman argues that the modern obsession with praise is counterproductive. Praise often links a child's worth to their performance, creating "praise junkies" who are insecure and afraid of failure. He draws a sharp distinction between praise and encouragement. Praise focuses on the person ("You're so smart!"), while encouragement focuses on the effort and the act ("You worked so hard on that project!").

True, lasting self-worth, Leman explains, is built on three pillars: Acceptance, Belonging, and Competence. Children need to feel unconditionally accepted for who they are. They need to feel a deep sense of belonging within the family unit. And they need to develop competence by being allowed to do things for themselves, make mistakes, and learn from them. The story of 15-year-old Melanie illustrates the power of belonging. When offered a cigarette by a new acquaintance, she easily declines, stating, "No thanks. We Crayburns don't smoke." Her identity was so firmly rooted in her family that peer pressure had no hold on her.

Narrator: By Friday, the parent is ready to implement the game plan. The success of the entire five-day transformation hinges on two principles: consistency and follow-through. Leman uses a fishing analogy: when you hook a big fish, it thrashes and fights. If you give the line any slack, the fish will get away. Parents must keep firm, consistent tension on the line. This means no more idle threats, no more repeated warnings, and no more giving in. The core rule is simple: "B doesn't happen until A is completed." This means homework must be done before video games, and chores must be finished before a friend comes over. The parent's job is to take decisive action and let reality provide the consequences. This calm, rational, and unwavering approach is what finally breaks the cycle of defiance and teaches children accountability.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Have a New Kid by Friday is that the power to create profound and lasting change in a child's behavior rests almost entirely with the parent. It is not about finding a new technique to control a child, but about the parent's courage to change their own attitudes, responses, and behaviors first. The book is a call for parents to stop being "spineless jellyfish" and to become the calm, consistent, and authoritative leaders their children need.

The ultimate challenge Leman leaves us with is a question of perspective. Are you parenting for a happy child today, or for a responsible, respectful, and resilient adult tomorrow? The answer to that question will determine whether you are willing to do the hard work of letting reality be the teacher, even when it’s uncomfortable, to give your child the gift of character that will last a lifetime.