Narrator: A UPS driver works twelve-hour days, a dedicated provider for his wife and three children. But at home, he feels invisible. His wife, overwhelmed by motherhood, consistently turns away his advances, leaving him feeling unappreciated and sexually unwanted. On his route, he meets a woman with an at-home business. She greets him with a smile, asks about his day, and listens. This small dose of attention becomes the highlight of his week. Over six months, this emotional connection escalates into a full-blown affair, shattering his family. This scenario, according to psychologist Dr. Kevin Leman, is a tragic but predictable outcome when a man's fundamental needs are ignored. In his book, Have a New Husband by Friday, Leman presents a provocative and direct five-day plan, arguing that a wife holds the power to radically transform her husband's attitude, behavior, and communication by understanding what he truly craves.

Narrator: Before any change can occur, Leman insists on a foundational premise: men and women are fundamentally different, almost like separate species. He argues that modern society’s push for unisex equality has created a harmful illusion of sameness, leading to profound misunderstandings in marriage. These differences aren't just cultural; they are biological. Leman points to research showing men's brains are larger in areas controlling visual-spatial abilities, while women’s brains are wired for more subtle, non-verbal communication, using up to 20,000 forms of communication a day compared to a man's 7,000.

This difference is illustrated in countless daily interactions. Leman shares a personal story he calls "The Mustard Incident." He's looking for a specific brand of mustard in the refrigerator and, after a quick scan, declares it isn't there. His wife, Sande, insists it is. Frustrated, he looks again, more thoroughly, and still can't find it. Sande then walks over, opens the same refrigerator door, and immediately pulls out the mustard, which was right in front of him. To Leman, this isn't just about being clueless; it's a simple example of how men and women are wired to perceive the world differently. A woman’s brain often processes the whole picture, while a man’s is more linear and tunnel-visioned. The book argues that acknowledging and even celebrating these differences, rather than fighting them, is the first step toward harmony.

Narrator: According to Leman, the biggest secret about men is that they desperately want to be good husbands and please their wives, but they often don't know how. The key to unlocking this desire lies in understanding their three most basic, non-negotiable needs: to be respected, to be needed, and to be fulfilled.

Respect is paramount. A man needs to feel that his wife values his opinion, trusts his judgment, and admires him. Being needed means he has a clear, essential role in her life and the family's well-being. He needs to be her hero and protector. Finally, fulfillment, particularly sexual fulfillment, is how he feels validated as a man, lover, and partner.

A woman named Tina from Colorado shared a story that exemplifies this principle. She realized her husband, Rob, had no close male friends and relied entirely on her for emotional support. Instead of seeing this as a burden, she decided to become a better friend to him. She started showing him more respect, listening more intently, and appreciating his efforts. The change was remarkable. Rob’s confidence soared, he became more successful at work, and their entire relationship dynamic improved. By consciously meeting his needs for respect and companionship, she didn't just change him; she empowered him to become a better version of himself.

Narrator: One of the most common complaints from women is, "He doesn't talk to me," often followed by, "I can't get him to do anything." Leman argues these two issues are directly linked and stem from a fundamental communication mismatch. Women often communicate to share and connect, using a high word count and circling a topic to explore feelings. Men, however, are pragmatic and linear; they listen for the bottom line and the problem to be solved.

Therefore, the book’s advice for Wednesday is to "think about what you want to say, then divide it by ten." Nagging, repeating requests, and asking "Why?" are conversation killers for a man. They feel like attacks on his competence and ego. Instead, Leman advocates for a strategy of "letting reality be the teacher." For instance, if a wife asks her husband to deposit his paycheck and he forgets, she shouldn't nag him. When checks start bouncing, she should simply place the bank notice and the un-deposited check on his dinner plate without a word. The natural consequence of his inaction becomes the lesson, which is far more powerful than a lecture. By being direct, concise, and allowing him to solve the problem, a wife respects his nature and is more likely to get the results she wants.

Narrator: Leman uses a bold analogy for Thursday's lesson: think of your husband as a seal waiting for a three-pound fish. He argues that men are performers who thrive on encouragement and reward. They work hard to provide and protect, and they need to feel their efforts are seen and appreciated. While words of affirmation are important, Leman states that for a man, the ultimate "three-pound fish"—the ultimate reward and validation—is sex.

He asserts that a couple’s sexual satisfaction is a direct reflection of their overall marital health. For a man, sex isn't just a physical act; it's how he feels loved, respected, and connected. It's the "great problem solver" that relieves stress and reaffirms the bond. When this need is unmet, he can feel neglected and devalued, making him vulnerable to outside temptation, like the UPS driver in the introduction.

The book shares the story of Annie from Nebraska, whose marriage was on the brink of collapse. She viewed sex as a chore and had separated from her husband twice. After reading a book on marital intimacy, she had a revelation. She began to actively pursue her husband, surprising him and making their physical relationship a priority. The transformation was profound. Their marriage was revitalized, and she noticed that even her children’s behavior improved in the newly stabilized home. Annie learned that by giving her husband the "three-pound fish," she wasn't just fulfilling his needs; she was creating a happier and more secure life for herself.

Narrator: The culmination of the five-day plan, Friday's lesson, is about a wife embracing her power and influence. The book's central theme is that "it takes a real woman to make a man feel like a real man." This isn't about being subservient, but about being smart. Leman argues that men have an innate, hardwired desire to be a hero and protector.

He illustrates this with a story of a fourth-grade girl who preferred playing football with the boys. During the game, without any instruction, the boys instinctively created rules to protect her. "No tackling the girl," one said. "Only one finger allowed on her," another added. They were naturally driven to be her champions. A husband, Leman suggests, has that same instinct. He wants to be his wife's champion, but he needs her to let him. This means putting him first, not as a doormat, but as a strategic act of love that inspires him to reciprocate. When a wife shows him respect, allows him to lead, and appreciates his efforts, she makes him feel like the "real man" he wants to be for her.

Narrator: Crucially, the book includes a "bonus section" that acts as a vital reality check. Leman acknowledges that his advice is not for every situation, particularly those involving abuse, addiction, or deep-seated disrespect. In these cases, trying to change a man by meeting his needs is not only ineffective but dangerous. He uses a powerful analogy: "You can't rub the stripes off a zebra and make it a horse."

Some men, he warns, are "zebras." They are controllers, chronically unfaithful, or abusive, and they are not capable of being the loving partners described in the rest of the book. For women in these relationships, the advice is drastically different. It's not about being concise or initiating sex; it's about developing "no" power, setting firm boundaries, and being prepared to leave. Leman recounts advising a 23-year-old radio caller, who was supporting a lazy and critical live-in boyfriend, to "dump the chump." This section underscores a critical point: a woman must first respect herself. The book's strategies are for improving a fundamentally decent, albeit struggling, marriage—not for fixing a man who is determined to be a zebra.

Narrator: The core message of Have a New Husband by Friday is that a wife possesses a profound and often underestimated power to steer the course of her marriage. The principles are simple, though not always easy: understand that men and women are different, meet his core needs for respect, need, and fulfillment, communicate directly, and let him be your hero. It’s about shifting from a 50/50 "what's in it for me" contract to a 100/100 covenant of mutual service.

The book leaves its audience with a challenging question. Does this framework place an unfair burden on women to do all the emotional work, or does it offer an empowering roadmap for women to take control and create the relationship they truly desire? Leman’s answer is clear: the one with the most insight and relational skill holds the most power to initiate change.