Mark: Everything you've been taught about negotiation—power, leverage, win-win—is probably wrong. In fact, the person with less power often has the advantage. And today, we're going to find out why. Michelle: Hold on, less power is an advantage? That feels like it goes against every business book, every movie, every piece of advice I've ever heard. Mark: Exactly. And that's the core idea in the book we’re diving into today: Getting More by Stuart Diamond. What's so fascinating is that Diamond isn't your typical business guru or academic. He’s a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist. Michelle: A journalist! Okay, that's unexpected. It makes me think this won't be about abstract theories, but about what actually happens in the messy real world. So, where do we even start with dismantling this idea that power is everything? Mark: We start with the first, most fundamental shift in perspective. Diamond argues that negotiation isn't about the issues, the facts, or the logic. It's about the people.

Mark: His central idea is that you can't persuade anyone of anything until you understand the "pictures in their heads." What they see, what they feel, what they fear. Their perceptions are more important than your proposals. Michelle: "Pictures in their heads." I like the phrase, but it sounds a bit abstract. What does that actually look like in a high-stakes situation where millions of dollars are on the line? Mark: Well, there's a perfect, high-stakes example. Remember the 2008 Hollywood Writers' Strike? It had been dragging on for three months, costing the industry billions. Both sides were dug in, and the negotiators for the Writers Guild were these old-school, confrontational "garment-district guys" who were just making things worse. Michelle: I remember that. It felt like it would never end. Mark: Right. So, the Guild's new negotiator, John Bowman, gets advice from the super-agent Ari Emanuel. And the advice is wild. Emanuel tells him, "Forget the issues. Don't talk about royalties or compensation. Just go to breakfast with the studio heads, make small talk, and ask them one simple question: 'Are you happy?'" Michelle: That's the advice? Not some brilliant new proposal, but just... "Are you happy?" Mark: That's it. Bowman does exactly that. He sits down, connects with them as human beings, and commiserates about how terrible the situation is for everyone. Within days—days!—after months of failure, the strike was over. Michelle: Wow. So the key wasn't a better offer, it was just being human. That's incredible. But it also feels a little too simple. Does this apply when the other side is being completely irrational? I mean, you can't just ask a screaming toddler if they're "happy." Mark: That's a great question, and it leads to another one of Diamond's core tools: making "emotional payments." He's very clear that your emotion is the enemy of negotiation. You have to stay calm. But you have to acknowledge their emotions. He tells this harrowing story about one of his students, Lisa Stephens. Her five-year-old daughter, Aubree, fell and gashed her forehead on a table. Michelle: Oh, that's every parent's nightmare. Mark: Absolutely. And the little girl was hysterical, clinging to the table, refusing to go to the hospital for stitches. The grandfather was panicking, everyone was emotional. But Lisa, remembering the course, forced herself to be calm. She didn't use logic or force. She knelt down and made an emotional payment. She asked, "Does Mommy love you? Would Mommy ever hurt you?" She showed Aubree her own childhood scar from stitches. Her father showed his. Michelle: Oh, that's powerful. She's connecting, not commanding. Mark: Exactly. And within five minutes, the little girl let go of the table and walked to the car on her own. Lisa got her to the hospital without any more trauma. Michelle: That makes so much sense. You're not validating the irrationality, you're just validating the feeling. That's a huge distinction. It’s about seeing the person behind the problem.

Mark: Precisely. And once you've managed that human element, you can deploy these incredibly clever, almost invisible tools. The first one is my absolute favorite: using their standards. Michelle: Using their standards... you mean like their own rules? Mark: Exactly. People have a fundamental psychological need to be consistent. They hate to contradict themselves. Diamond tells this great, simple story about a student who got soggy fries at a McDonald's five minutes before closing. The clerk refused to make a fresh batch. Michelle: Yeah, I can see that happening. "We're closing, sorry." Mark: Right. But instead of arguing, the student calmly pulled out a printed copy of the McDonald's corporate freshness guarantee. It promised fresh food during all business hours. He just pointed to it and asked, "I'm a little confused. Does this guarantee expire five minutes before closing?" Michelle: Oh, that's brilliant! It's not aggressive, it's just holding up a mirror. The clerk is trapped by their own company's rules. What could they even say? Mark: They couldn't say anything. They made him fresh fries. But you're right to ask, what if there are no written standards? What if you're just buying a house or negotiating a salary? Michelle: Yeah, you can't exactly pull out a "fairness guarantee" from your boss's employee handbook. Mark: That's when you use the other master tool: trading items of unequal value. This is the real secret to "expanding the pie." It’s about finding things that are low-cost to you but high-value to them. One of Diamond's students, an executive named Larry Stillman, was completely stuck on a multi-million dollar paper supply deal. He'd offered a great price, great service, but the customer just wouldn't sign. Michelle: So what was the missing piece? Mark: He and his team brainstormed. They realized the customer wasn't looking for a better price. They were a smaller company, and what they really wanted was to feel important, to feel validated by their vendor. So, Larry Stillman offered them four tickets to the NBA finals. Michelle: Wait. Basketball tickets for a multi-million dollar deal? That sounds absurd. Mark: It does! But think about it. For Larry's company, the cost of those tickets was a rounding error. It was virtually nothing. But for the client, it was a massive gesture of respect and importance. It was priceless. They signed the deal immediately. Michelle: That's a fantastic story. It completely reframes what a "negotiation" is about. The deal isn't just about the paper and the price. The deal is about the entire relationship. Mark: And that's the magic. The trade can be anything. It could be a public thank you, flexibility on a deadline, an introduction to someone in your network, or even just a sincere apology. It’s about finding what's cheap for you but priceless for them.

Michelle: Okay, so when you put all of this together, this book is really arguing that most of us are playing the wrong game. We're all trying to be chess masters, moving our pieces logically and looking for a checkmate, when we should be more like psychologists, trying to understand the human player sitting across the table. Mark: That's a perfect way to put it. Diamond's work, which has been used everywhere from Google to U.S. Special Operations, shows that the most successful negotiators get more by focusing on the other person's world. They find out what the other person values, what their standards are, what they fear, and they use that understanding to build a bridge to their own goals. Michelle: What I find so interesting is how this approach has been received. It's a massive bestseller, but some critics and readers find the tactics a bit... manipulative. Like that story of the student who returned five years' worth of clothes to Eddie Bauer just to test their lifetime guarantee. It worked, but she felt terrible about it. Mark: And Diamond includes that story for a reason. He acknowledges that with this power comes a responsibility to use it wisely. The goal isn't to exploit people, but to find better, more creative, and more human ways to get to an agreement that works. It's about getting more, not getting everything. Michelle: It feels more empowering, too, especially for people who feel they don't have 'power' in the traditional sense. It suggests the real leverage isn't in your title or your bank account, but in your ability to listen and be creative. Mark: Exactly. The real power is in your perception and your preparation. So, for everyone listening, the next time you find yourself in any kind of negotiation, from asking for a raise to deciding on a vacation spot with your partner, maybe start by asking yourself that one simple question from this book: "What are the pictures in their head?" Michelle: I love that. It's a simple question that could change everything. We'd love to hear from our listeners. Have you ever used a tactic like this, maybe without even realizing it? Share your stories with the Aibrary community on our socials. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.