Mark: An Adobe study found 82% of people believe creativity is critical for the economy, yet a staggering 75% feel they are under constant pressure to be productive, not creative. We're told to innovate, but our calendars just tell us to answer more emails. What is going on here? Michelle: That’s the story of my life! My brain says ‘dream big,’ but my to-do list says ‘buy milk, finish that report, and for goodness sake, don’t forget to move the laundry.’ It feels like there’s a thief stealing all the time for the good stuff. Mark: Well, our guide today argues that this thief is very real, and she’s written a manual on how to catch it. We're diving into Find Your Unicorn Space: Reclaim Your Creative Life in the Age of Distraction by Eve Rodsky. Michelle: Ah, Eve Rodsky. I know her. She’s the one who tackled the mountain of domestic labor. Mark: Exactly. And Rodsky is the perfect person to write this book. She’s not some artist living in a cabin; she’s a Harvard-trained lawyer and an organizational management expert. She became famous for applying those high-level skills to fix the chaos of domestic life in her first bestseller, Fair Play. Michelle: Right, she treats the home like a business, which is both terrifying and genius. So what happens when the 'business' is running smoothly, but the CEO—you—is running on empty? Mark: That is the central question. And Rodsky argues the answer isn't just to take a vacation. The problem is much, much deeper. It’s a full-blown identity crisis.

Michelle: An identity crisis? That sounds a bit dramatic. I mean, most people would just say they're burned out or stressed. Mark: That’s what we tell ourselves. But Rodsky shares this incredibly poignant story about herself. During the pandemic lockdown, she went to Target for essentials. She’s wearing a mask, old sweats, and she catches her reflection and doesn't recognize herself. She felt completely disconnected. Michelle: Oh, I’ve been there. The "who is that tired person" moment in the grocery store aisle. Mark: Precisely. And while she’s there, feeling lost, she wanders into the notebook aisle and finds one with a lyric from a Radiohead song on the cover. It just said: "For a Minute There I Lost Myself." And it hit her like a ton of bricks. That was it. She hadn't just lost time; she had lost herself. Michelle: Wow. That’s powerful. It’s not about needing a break from your life; it’s about feeling like you’re missing from your own life. But is this just a feeling, or does Rodsky argue there are real costs to letting this happen? Mark: Oh, the costs are huge. She links it to everything from relationship dissatisfaction and emotional decline to serious mental health challenges. She says we're fed these "Toxic Time Messages." These are the insidious little scripts in our heads. For example, she quotes a former law firm colleague who told her, "I'm a 'success.' I have the partner, the kids, the career. I should be happy, but something's missing." That's the toxic message: that your roles—partner, parent, professional—are the sum total of your identity. Michelle: And when they're not enough, you feel guilty, like you’re being ungrateful for the good life you have. Mark: Exactly. You feel shame for wanting more. But Rodsky’s point is that this ‘more’ isn’t another achievement. It’s the active pursuit of self-expression. It’s your Unicorn Space. Michelle: Okay, but let's be real for a second. A lot of the criticism around this book, and I’ve seen it in reader reviews, is that it speaks to a very specific, often privileged, audience. The 'I have it all but I'm still not happy' narrative can feel a bit out of touch for people who are just struggling to pay the bills. Mark: That's a completely fair critique, and it’s one that comes up often with books in this space. Rodsky does acknowledge that financial and time privilege are real factors. But she argues the core feeling of being underwater is universal, and the solution isn't always about spending money or having tons of free time. She tells the story of a woman named Aisa, a general manager for an e-commerce company. Michelle: Okay, tell me about Aisa. Mark: During the pandemic, Aisa’s job became incredibly intense, and she was also juggling childcare. She was completely drained. Her husband, Matt, who had read Fair Play, encouraged her to find some Unicorn Space. At first, she had no idea what to do. She felt guilty taking any time for herself. Michelle: That’s the part I relate to. Even if you get the time, you’ve forgotten what you even like. Mark: Right. So she started small. She remembered her uncle in India was a Hindu astrologer. She got curious. She called him, started reading books on the subject, and reconnected with her Hindu traditions. It didn't cost a lot of money or require a ton of time, but it gave her a new drive. It re-energized her during a deeply stressful period and reconnected her to her family history. It wasn't about a fancy hobby; it was about reclaiming a piece of her identity that had been buried. Michelle: I like that. It grounds the idea in something more accessible. It’s not about becoming a painter overnight. It’s about following a thread of curiosity. So, if you've identified that you've lost yourself, how do you even start to find it again? It feels so overwhelming. Where does this 'toolkit' of hers begin?

Mark: It begins with something that sounds simple but is actually radical: Permission. Specifically, Rodsky's Rule #1 is "Permission to Be Unavailable." Michelle: Ha! Easier said than done. Every parent listening just laughed out loud. Mark: Well, that's the point. Rodsky shares this hilarious and painfully true story from her own life. She decided she needed uninterrupted time to write. So one Sunday morning, she announced it to her family, went into the guest room, and shut the door. Within five minutes, her husband interrupts her to talk about groceries. Then her son comes in with a homework question. Then her daughter is screaming for her. Michelle: Sounds like a typical Sunday morning at my house. Mark: So the next week, she escalates her strategy. She writes "UNAVAILABLE" in big letters on a Post-it note and sticks it to her shirt. Michelle: Oh no. I can see where this is going. Mark: It’s a complete disaster. Her husband comes in and says, "I know you're unavailable, but..." Her daughter comes in to say "I love you." Her son comes in to tell her the Post-it is falling off. Finally, she just snaps and yells "GET OUT!" and then immediately feels consumed by guilt. Her big takeaway was that you can't just declare yourself unavailable. Permission has to be negotiated. Michelle: I love that story because it's so true! You can't just put up a sign. It proves that this is a systemic problem, not a personal one. So what's the real strategy? How do you actually get that permission? Mark: It’s about creating what she calls a "communication container." Setting a specific, pre-negotiated time with your partner where you can talk about your needs without the conversation getting hijacked by the logistics of the day. It’s about clarifying your "why"—why this time is important to you. And that leads directly to the second part of the toolkit: Curiosity. Michelle: Ah, so it’s not about finding your "passion." That word carries so much weight. Mark: Way too much weight. Rodsky says "passion" is intimidating. It feels like you have to have it all figured out. Curiosity is lighter. It’s just a little itch. She tells the story of Robin Arzón, who was a successful corporate lawyer but felt deeply unfulfilled. She didn't know what her passion was, but she noticed a feeling: jealousy. Michelle: Using jealousy as a compass. That's a brilliant reframe. Mark: Isn't it? Arzón realized she felt a pang of envy whenever she saw people talking about running marathons or writing blogs. She didn't feel that way when her colleagues made partner. That feeling was a clue. She followed that curiosity, started running, then blogging about it, and eventually left her law career entirely. Today, she's the famous Vice President of Fitness Programming at Peloton. She followed the breadcrumbs of her feelings. Michelle: That’s a much more manageable starting point. Don't look for a burning passion, just notice what makes you feel a spark of interest or even a little bit of envy. So you have permission, you follow your curiosity... what's the final piece of the puzzle? Mark: Connection. This is the step that elevates it from a simple hobby to a meaningful Unicorn Space. You have to share it with the world. And "sharing" doesn't have to mean becoming a global brand. It can be small. Michelle: What kind of sharing are we talking about? Mark: She identifies seven types, but the core idea is that sharing creates meaning and accountability. It could be joining a community, like a book club or a running group. It could be teaching someone else a skill you have. Or it could be just putting your creation out there, even if you think no one will care. Michelle: That’s the scariest part for most people, right? The fear of judgment. Mark: Absolutely. But the payoff can be immense. Mark tells the incredible story of Adam Mansbach. He was a novelist, and like many parents, he was struggling to get his young daughter to sleep. One night, out of sheer frustration, he jokingly posted on Facebook, "Look out for my forthcoming children's book, Go the Fck to Sleep*." Michelle: I know that book! It’s a classic. Mark: It became a classic! But it started as a joke. His friends loved it, so he wrote a few rhyming couplets. It went viral. An agent contacted him. He thought it was a prank. But he shared it, and it resonated with millions of parents who felt the exact same way. It became a number one bestseller. It proves there is an audience for your unique, authentic expression, even if it starts as a joke born of frustration.

Michelle: So, when you put it all together, this isn't just a self-help book about taking up knitting. It's really a manifesto for reclaiming your identity in a world that is designed to erase it with obligations. Mark: Exactly. And Rodsky's most powerful argument, the one that really reframes the whole conversation, is that doing this is not selfish. In fact, it's your legacy. She quotes the beloved children's author Mo Willems, who said, "Children will create if they see the adults around them creating." Michelle: Wow. That hits hard. Your Unicorn Space isn't just for you; it's a model for your kids, your partner, your whole community. It gives them permission to find their own. Mark: It completely changes the narrative. It’s not about taking time away from your family; it’s about investing in a version of yourself that is more energized, more fulfilled, and ultimately has more to give them. It’s a shift from seeing creative time as a depletion of resources to seeing it as a source of renewable energy for everyone. Michelle: That's a powerful shift. It moves it from the 'nice-to-have' column to the 'absolutely-essential' one. It’s not an indulgence; it’s infrastructure for a resilient life. Mark: Perfectly said. So the challenge for everyone listening isn't to magically find three extra hours this week. It's to ask one simple, much smaller question that Rodsky poses: What's one thing you're curious about? Not passionate about, not an expert in. Just a tiny bit curious. Start there. Michelle: I love that. And we're curious too! We’d genuinely love to hear what you come up with. Find us on our socials and share that one small spark of curiosity. Let's see what we can build from it. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.