Narrator: Imagine a hardworking salesman whose life suddenly implodes. After his company is sold, he’s laid off and forced to take a lesser job with a boss who clearly dislikes him. As if that weren’t enough, his wife, with whom he thought he had a happy life, announces she wants a divorce. He finds himself unable to stop crying, overwhelmed by a sense of loss and failure. His one desperate wish is to regain control of his life. In a world saturated with self-help advice promising happiness and empowerment, what should he do next?

The typical answer would involve positive affirmations, finding his inner strength, or manifesting a better reality. But in the refreshingly blunt and humorous book, Fck Feelings*, psychiatrist Michael I. Bennett and his comedy writer daughter, Sarah Bennett, offer a radically different approach. They argue that the salesman’s wish to "regain control" is exactly the kind of unrealistic goal that sets people up for failure. Instead, they provide a practical, no-nonsense guide to managing life’s impossible problems by accepting what can't be changed and focusing only on what can.

Narrator: The core premise of Fck Feelings* is a direct assault on the conventional self-improvement industry. The authors argue that the relentless pursuit of happiness, positivity, or a "better self" is often a recipe for disappointment. Life is inherently difficult, and feelings are fickle, unreliable guides for behavior. Instead of trying to change how you feel, the book advises you to change what you do.

This philosophy is built on distinguishing between a "bad wish" and a "good goal." A bad wish is an attempt to control something you can't, like your emotions or the actions of others. For example, a person struggling with alcohol might have the wish, "Never drink again, ever!" This sets an impossibly high bar. A single slip-up leads to feelings of total failure. The book reframes this into a good goal: "Never stop working hard to resist delicious alcohol." This goal is about the ongoing effort, not a perfect outcome. It acknowledges the struggle is permanent but places the focus on the manageable, day-to-day process of resistance. True confidence, the authors suggest, doesn't come from achieving perfection, but from knowing you're putting in the effort to do what’s important, regardless of the outcome or how you feel about it.

Narrator: Many people operate under the assumption that life should be fair and that they have a right to safety and justice. The Bennetts call this a dangerous illusion. The world is fundamentally unfair, and an obsessive quest for fairness can blind people to practical realities and lead them into unwinnable conflicts.

Consider the story of a woman whose husband's mentally ill ex-wife becomes a threat. After the ex-wife tries to burn down their house, she is hospitalized but is about to be discharged. The police say they can't do anything until she becomes a threat again. The woman's sense of justice and her belief in her right to safety make her want to stand her ground. However, the book argues this is wishful thinking. Acknowledging the unfairness of the situation—that the system can't protect her and the ex-wife is uncontrollably dangerous—is the first step. The practical goal isn't to "get justice" but to "manage the danger," which might mean retreating, increasing security, or accepting a level of risk, rather than engaging in a futile and potentially tragic fight for an ideal that doesn't exist.

Narrator: In modern culture, love is often presented as the ultimate solution to life's problems. Fck Feelings* dismantles this myth, arguing that love, like any powerful emotion, can cause more problems than it solves. It can make people ignore their values, overlook red flags, and become attached to the wrong person for the wrong reasons.

The book shares the story of a woman who "rescued" her boyfriend in high school from a life of drugs and trouble. Years later, he works a steady job but lacks ambition and still relapses occasionally. She loves him for the potential she saw, but she is now trapped. Her desire to "change him for the better" was a bad wish. Love didn't magically fix his underlying issues. The authors stress that a lasting partnership isn't built on chemistry or the power of love alone, but on a shared commitment to a cause—the partnership itself. It requires accepting your partner for who they are, flaws and all, not loving the person you wish they would become.

Narrator: The wellness industry often promotes the idea that negative emotions like stress, anger, and fear are toxic and should be eliminated to achieve serenity. The Bennetts argue this is not only impossible but also harmful. These feelings are an unavoidable part of the human experience. The goal isn't to achieve a state of perpetual calm but to stop negative feelings from controlling your behavior.

A powerful example is that of a parent whose seventeen-year-old son is a "fuckup"—expelled from school, using drugs, and stealing from the family. The parent is consumed with anger and yells constantly, which only makes things worse. The wish to "stop being so angry" is futile because the anger is a natural response to a terrible situation. The book's advice is to accept the anger but manage the actions. Instead of yelling, the parent should focus on setting firm boundaries, establishing consequences, and acting like a responsible parent, even while feeling enraged inside. It’s about being "decently demonic"—acknowledging the ugly feelings but refusing to let them dictate your behavior.

Narrator: One of the book's most memorable concepts is its framework for dealing with "Assholes." An Asshole, by their definition, is someone who consistently behaves like a jerk and is completely oblivious to their impact on others. They are masters of blame and see injustice everywhere except in their own actions. The most important thing to know about Assholes is that all attempts to change them—with reason, love, or therapy—are futile.

The book tells the story of a man whose business partner, once a good friend, started secretly taking money from their company during a recession. When confronted with evidence, the partner didn't apologize; he denied it and launched a smear campaign, accusing the narrator of being the real thief. This is classic Asshole behavior. They don't just do bad things; they reframe reality to make themselves the victim. The only winning move is to stop trying to change them, give up hope for a sincere apology, and focus entirely on protecting yourself by creating distance, documenting everything, and refusing to engage in their drama.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Fck Feelings* is the liberating power of lowering your expectations. It challenges readers to abandon the exhausting, often fruitless quest for happiness and control. Instead of trying to fix unfixable problems, change unchangeable people, or control uncontrollable feelings, the book advocates for a more grounded approach: accept that life is hard, the world is unfair, and your feelings are often stupid.

The true measure of a person, according to the Bennetts, is not their emotional state but their actions in the face of adversity. The ultimate challenge the book leaves us with is to stop asking, "How can I feel better?" and start asking, "What is the right thing to do, given the shitty circumstances I'm in?" By focusing on your behavior and your values, you can build a life of pride and self-respect, even if it’s not always a happy one. After all, as the authors humorously conclude, life is going to hand you a shit sandwich eventually. You might as well learn how to eat it.