Autumn: Ever been in a conversation where you just felt stuck? You know, you're not sure what to say to get the outcome you're hoping for? Whether it's closing a deal, smoothing over a conflict, or just connecting with someone, those perfect words at the right moment can “really” make all the difference. Rachel: Absolutely, Autumn. Or, let's be honest, the wrong words can send things spiraling fast. It’s amazing how we all communicate every single day, yet rarely take a beat to actually think about how we're doing it. Are we even effective? Autumn: Exactly! And that's why we’re jumping into Phil Jones’ book, Exactly What to Say. It’s like a masterclass in using these "Magic Words"—phrases specifically designed to guide a conversation, navigate objections, and create clarity. Imagine having this toolbox of words that are so effective, they almost feel like a superpower. Think about how helpful that could be at work, in your relationships, or even getting your teenager to tidy up their room! Rachel: Superpowers, huh? I'm intrigued, I'll admit, but maybe a touch skeptical too. Are these supposedly "Magic Words" genuinely magic, or are they just common sense with a “really” catchy label? Autumn: That's what's so great about it, Rachel – it’s actually both. Jones isn't just throwing around clichés. He “really” digs into how subtle tweaks to our language can completely change the feel and the direction of a conversation. And the best part? They’re surprisingly simple, so anyone can pick them up. Rachel: Simple enough that we can learn them today? Because in this episode, we’re planning to break it down into three key parts. First, we'll explore these so-called ‘Magic Words'– what they are and why they work. Then, we'll look at how you can actually use them in real-life scenarios, whether you're selling an idea or dealing with objections. And finally, we’ll think about the bigger picture – the impact these tools can make in building trust and ultimately achieving real results. Autumn: Right, it’s like we’re learning both the spells themselves, how to wield the wand, and the lasting effect the enchantment has. Words “really” do have power, and by the end of this, you'll totally see why Phil Jones believes they can transform the way you connect, influence, and ultimately, succeed. Rachel: Transform, you say? High expectations today, Autumn. Let’s see if these "Magic Words" can “really” live up to the hype!

Autumn: Okay, let's jump right in. The core of these “Magic Words” isn’t actual magic, obviously. It's about using deeply rooted psychological principles to make an impact. The main point is, they kind of sidestep our natural defenses and open up conversations in a way that feels organic, not forced. Rachel: Right, so Jones starts with the psychology of language. How certain words can just… slide past our guard. Almost like a verbal ninja move. But, I gotta ask, how revolutionary is this stuff, really? Take the phrase, "I'm not sure if this is for you, but…" Doesn't it just sound like someone's playing it safe? Autumn: I see your point, but the beauty is in the nuance. When you say, “I'm not sure if this is for you,” you’re taking off the pressure. You're letting the other person decide, not pushing them. It instantly lowers their guard because, let's be real, nobody likes feeling pressured. Plus, it sparks curiosity. Like, if it's not for me, then why even mention it? It changes the game from “I'm selling you something” to “Hey, you might want to check this out.” Rachel: So, it's like reverse psychology-lite? Kind of like saying, "Hey, you can walk away," which oddly makes people want to stick around and listen. Okay, I see how it could work. Especially in a situation like a realtor showing a house. "I'm not sure if this property is for you, but it does have some features you mentioned liking." That's a much gentler nudge than a hard sell. Invites evaluation rather than resistance. Autumn: Exactly! That invitation changes everything. It's not you pushing anymore; it’s them exploring. This mix of scarcity and curiosity is super effective. And the best part? It’s based on how our brains work. The listener feels in control, which makes them more willing to actually consider what you're offering. Rachel: But do you think this is a one-size-fits-all thing? What if someone just takes you at your word and zones out immediately? Like, "Oh, not for me? Cool, bye." Autumn: That's a valid point. That’s why delivery matters. You have to convey a sense of genuine value, something that might grab their attention. Notice how the real estate example adds, "It has features that align with what you’ve mentioned.” That phrase plants a little seed of relevance. It's like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs without being overly aggressive. If you skip that part, yeah, they're probably going to walk. Rachel: Hmm, it's kind of like setting the stage but letting the audience think they wrote the play. I'll give it that – deceptively simple, yet effective. But let’s switch gears. You mentioned curiosity earlier. How does that come into play here? Autumn: Curiosity is a huge motivator. Phrases like, "What do you know about...?" and "How open-minded are you about...?" tap into our natural desire to explore. Asking, "What do you know about our solution to market challenges?" isn't just a question – it's a chance for the person to think, realize what they might be missing, and maybe get a little curious. Rachel: My inner journalist is applauding right now. That’s a classic technique. You’re more of a facilitator, prompting people to think for themselves. But, again, how do you avoid sounding manipulative? Someone might catch on and feel like they’re being led, even if subtly. Autumn: It all comes down to your intention and how genuine you are. The real “Magic Words” are about working together, not tricking people. When you honestly want to understand someone's perspective, they can sense that. The phrase "What do you know about...?" feels collaborative because it invites a conversation. It’s a subtle difference, but going from "I'm telling you" to "Let's talk about this together" makes a big impact. Rachel: And I guess it beats saying something like, "You don’t get it, do you?" Or "You clearly don't know the full story." Those shut people down immediately. Whereas, a question like "What do you know about…?" lets them ease into the conversation on their own terms. It's… cleverly sneaky. Autumn: Exactly. It's about opening the door just a crack. The goal isn't to expose their lack of knowledge, but to make them curious. Studies even show that open-ended questions get people more involved and lead to better conversations. That salesperson who switched from listing benefits to asking, "What do you know about how our software addresses redundancies?" saw a huge change in how receptive people were. Rachel: So that business executive was like, "Wait, maybe I'm missing something here." It's less about forcing and more about creating a moment for them to think. I can see how this works when a direct confrontation would just backfire. Autumn: Exactly. And circling back to resistance, phrases like "How open-minded are you about...?" build on this really well. It not only makes them curious, but it appeals to their positive self-image. Everyone wants to think of themselves as open-minded, right? So framing an idea that way helps lower resistance and encourages them to engage. Rachel: It's like, you're handing them the steering wheel, but you've already mapped out the destination. Clever stuff. But let me throw a wrench in the works – what if the situation isn’t so collaborative, like giving tough feedback or dealing with a straight-up objection? Do “Magic Words” still work then? Autumn: They do, but the approach changes a bit. You lean more on emotional framing. Take the phrase, "How would you feel if...?" It's powerful because it’s not abstract. It gets people to imagine themselves in a specific situation. Like a career coach asking, "How would you feel if, five years from now, you’re still in the same spot, unhappy and feeling stuck?" It forces them to face an emotional reality, which can be way more motivating than just logic. Rachel: So less about the head, more about the heart. People might ignore facts, but they can’t ignore how something makes them feel. That career example… ouch. Visualizing regret is hard to brush off. Autumn: Exactly, Rachel! That's why "Magic Words" work so well overall. They spark curiosity, reduce resistance, and tap into emotions to create a balanced approach. Each piece helps guide conversations in a direction that feels natural and impactful. It's not “really” magic, but it can be transformative when you use it intentionally. Rachel: I'll admit it, Autumn. I came into this kinda skeptical. But this blend of psychology, curiosity, and emotional framing actually makes sense. It's like fine-tuning your communication radar to pick up signals most people miss.

Autumn: So, now that we’ve got those foundational tools down, the real trick is figuring out how to use them in everyday chats to get where you want to go. That's where Phil Jones really shines, showing us how this stuff plays out in the real world. It's all about the “how” – practical uses in all sorts of situations. Rachel: Exactly, we’re getting down to the nitty-gritty. It's one thing to talk about the theories Autumn, but can these phrases actually keep us from stepping on conversational landmines and actually get us somewhere? Take "I’m not sure if this is for you, but…", that caught my eye. It’s like a Swiss Army knife of opening lines. Autumn: Oh, that one's a classic – so simple, yet there’s a lot going on under the surface. It taps into some key psychological principles, like autonomy and curiosity. By saying “I’m not sure if this is for you," you're not forcing anything. You're giving people a choice, and that makes them wonder what they might be missing. It really lowers their defenses. Rachel: Lowers defenses, huh? I might call it a Jedi mind trick, if it weren't based on science. But seriously, isn't there a risk of sounding a bit unsure of yourself? Especially if the person you're talking to is already skeptical? Autumn: That's a valid point, but it really comes down to how you say it and what you mean by it. What's great about this phrase is that it takes the pressure off right away. People hate being sold to, Rachel. They don't want to feel like they're being trapped. Saying "I'm not sure if this is for you" tells them it's okay to say no. That clears the air and lets you have a real conversation. Rachel: Sure, but let’s be real here. How does this actually look in practice? If I’m trying to sell an idea to, let's say, some people who are naturally stubborn, how do I keep them from just tuning out when I say, "I'm not sure if this is for you, but..."? Autumn: Good question. Let's think back to the example Phil uses in the book – the sales coach trying to get store owners to update their displays. Instead of saying “You need to change your layout,” which sounds bossy, she said, “I’m not sure if this is for you, but some stores we’ve worked with saw an immediate boost in customer engagement when they put seasonal items near the entrance.” Rachel: I see, I like that. It gives them a reason to be interested, without being pushy. Plus, it's not all about ego. You're not saying "I know better," but more like, "Here's what others have tried." It's more like a suggestion than a demand. Autumn: Exactly! And it worked! That little shift in how she said it got the store owners to agree to give it a shot. And guess what? Within a month, they saw more customers and better sales. The idea was good, sure, but the way it was presented made all the difference. That phrase softened their resistance and opened the door. Rachel: So, it's less about forcing and more about suggesting. Got it. Now, what if someone's already set in their ways? They're beyond just hesitant – they're dug in deep. What phrase do you use then? Autumn: That's when you pull out "What do you know about…?". It's perfect for gently questioning someone's beliefs without making them defensive. Instead of shutting them down, you're inviting them to think about their own knowledge and maybe even see where it's lacking. Rachel: Okay, but humor me here, if someone said to me, “What do you know about X?” My first reaction might be, “Well, not enough, apparently! Thanks for pointing that out!” How do you keep it from sounding... snarky? Autumn: That's a totally fair reaction, Rachel, and it's all about how you say it. You have to be genuine. You're not trying to call them out. You're trying to start a conversation. Think about the example from the book: A colleague asks their boss, who's skeptical, "What do you know about how modern automation systems handle error-checking?" It wasn't a jab. It opened the door to a discussion, and it worked. Instead of lecturing her, it got her thinking and eventually changed her mind. Rachel: So, it’s not a challenge, it’s an invitation. You’re saying, “Let’s explore this together.” I can see how that would sidestep people’s defenses, especially at work. Autumn: Definitely. And there’s even a little ego boost in there, too. People don't want to feel uninformed. They want to feel like they know what's going on. A well-placed "What do you know about…?" question lets them engage out of curiosity instead of insecurity. Rachel: Clever! And since we're talking about keeping emotions in check, how do you handle situations that are naturally emotional? You know, where logic alone just won’t cut it? Autumn: That's where phrases like "How would you feel if…?" come in. They're designed to tap into feelings and imagination, which, let's face it, are often the real drivers behind our decisions. For example, the career coach who said to their hesitant client, "How would you feel if, a year from now, someone else got that promotion and was killing it in a role you knew you could have handled?" That thought of regret? That's powerful stuff. Rachel: Wow, I have to admit, that example hits hard. It’s visceral. You’re not just giving them an argument; you’re making them feel what it would be like. Regret, lost opportunity – that’s hard to ignore. Autumn: Exactly. It's not about scaring people into anything. It's about showing them potential outcomes in a way that makes them rethink their current path. It's being proactive, not reactive. Rachel: And proactive communication – that’s really what we’re talking about here, right? These "Magic Words" aren't about manipulation; they're about guiding conversations intentionally, but still respecting the other person's freedom to choose. Autumn: Nicely put! That's why they're so effective in so many situations. Whether you’re sparking curiosity, easing tension, or motivating someone to act, it all boils down to crafting a message that’s clear, collaborative, and persuasive. It’s not magic, it’s mastery!

Autumn: Mastering these "Magic Words," as Phil M. Jones calls them, really does have a ripple effect on your personal and professional life. It's more than just getting through a single conversation. It's about building skills that lead to bigger, more meaningful changes. When you shift your focus from just the immediate interaction to the bigger picture, you start to see how good communication strengthens relationships, helps you become a better leader, and creates an environment where people trust each other and work well together. Rachel: Exactly, Autumn. Using these phrases isn’t just about winning an argument or making a sale. It’s about laying the foundation for trust and lasting relationships. Let’s bring this down to earth a bit. How does all this apply to building deeper connections with people? It seems like everyone wants that, but so many struggle to actually achieve it. Autumn: Building connections is key. Phil Jones emphasizes that it's not about showing off how smart you are. It's about making the other person feel understood and valued. There's a story in the book about a financial relationship manager dealing with a really difficult client. This client was known for being impatient and hard to please. Instead of getting defensive or avoiding the situation, the manager asked a simple question: "Just out of curiosity, what's the main reason this approach might not work for you right now?" Rachel: Hold on—so instead of arguing or playing tough, they just asked a polite question? Autumn: Exactly! And that’s the genius of it. The question shows you genuinely care about their perspective. What happened next was amazing. The client opened up and shared their specific concerns instead of just being difficult. By consistently using this kind of question-based communication, the manager turned a bad relationship into a good one. Eventually, that client became a huge advocate and brought in more business. Rachel: That's basic psychology, right? People want to feel heard. But the phrasing here is so deliberate. "Just out of curiosity" takes the pressure off immediately. It’s like extending an olive branch before the conversation even gets going. I’m curious, though – what about relationships that aren't hostile, just... kind of bland? How do these strategies help there? Autumn: Great question. The same principles apply, really. Even in neutral situations, using language that encourages dialogue and shows empathy adds depth. It's about turning small talk into something more meaningful. Little tweaks in how you phrase things can make people feel valued, which strengthens your connection over time. Rachel: So even when the stakes are low, you’re still setting the stage for trust. Okay, let’s kick it up a notch. Leadership is another area where communication can make or break you. How does Jones’ approach help leaders, especially when they need to motivate their teams or make tough decisions? Autumn: Leadership is tough because you need to do more than just deliver a message. You need to get people on board. There's a story in the book about a team leader who took over a group that was totally discouraged after a failed project. Instead of giving a pep talk or just telling them what to do, she asked a simple question: "How open-minded are you about exploring new ways of working that might actually help us turn things around?" Rachel: That’s subtle, isn't it? She didn’t come in with a "Here's what’s wrong, here’s how we fix it" attitude. She basically asked, "What do you think?" while framing it as a problem they needed to solve together. Interesting. Autumn: Exactly. Subtle, but super effective. That question empowered the team. It made them feel like their ideas mattered, not just their compliance. Then, the leader added another key phrase: "Before we make our minds up, let's take some time to really consider what success would look like for us and how we can get there together." Rachel: So, instead of jumping into solutions, she started a conversation and let the team imagine what success could look like. It sounds simple, but like we’ve seen in these examples, the key is in the phrasing. People listened because they felt respected and involved. Autumn: Exactly! And the results were significant. The team went from being skeptical to actively participating, and they ended up exceeding their project goals. This shows that great leaders don't just manage tasks; they encourage collaboration by using language that aligns everyone, makes things clear, and motivates people. Rachel: I have to admit, this approach to leadership is appealing. It’s not about giving grand speeches; it’s about having strategic humility – putting your ego aside to make room for real progress. But let’s switch gears a bit. How do these strategies work when you're trying to build trust in tense situations, like conflicts between departments? Autumn: Trust is all about making people feel safe enough to share, collaborate, and move past disagreements. There’s a great example in the book about two departments in a marketing firm arguing over resources for a campaign. A mediator stepped in and, instead of giving orders, used one of Jones’ techniques: asking, "What would you know about the benefits of taking another route?" Rachel: That’s smart. It's not aggressive, but it forces both sides to think beyond their own positions. You're basically inviting them to challenge their own assumptions in a productive way. Autumn: Exactly! And here’s where it gets even better. The mediator followed up with, "What would it look like if we combined some of your ideas and tested them in a way that reflects the strengths of both approaches?" Instead of making it a win-lose situation, it became a collaborative effort. The teams started brainstorming together instead of digging in their heels. Rachel: So, instead of one side "losing," the conversation became about solving the problem together. That’s a clever way to reframe the situation—it’s no longer "my idea versus yours" but "our solution." And what happened? Did this actually work in the long run? Autumn: It did! Not only did the teams resolve the immediate conflict, but they also developed a new level of respect for each other's expertise. That trust carried over to future projects, improving collaboration across the board. Rachel: That’s a win-win. So, we’ve gone from building connections to fostering collaboration, and now it feels like we're building towards long-term impact. What do you think is the biggest takeaway here about how these principles shape us and the people we interact with? Autumn: The key thing is that effective communication isn't just about getting quick wins. It fundamentally changes how others see us and how they respond to us. Every interaction adds up. By consistently applying Jones’ principles, we leave people feeling valued, understood, and motivated. Rachel: And that creates a kind of emotional residue, doesn’t it? People might not always remember exactly what we say, but they remember how we made them feel. Over time, that feeling builds into trust, loyalty, and influence. Autumn: Precisely. That’s the core message: communication isn’t just a transactional tool – it’s a way of building a legacy of positive relationships and collaboration. And when done right, it’s not just transformative for others—it’s transformative for the communicator as well.

Autumn: So Rachel, we've really dug into the power of Phil Jones' "Magic Words" today, haven't we? From disarming people with "I'm not sure if this is for you," to sparking curiosity with "What do you know about…?", and even getting them to reflect with "How would you feel if…?", these are more than just phrases. They're tools for reshaping conversations. Rachel: Yeah, for sure. What really struck me was the delicate balance between psychology, genuine curiosity, and getting the emotional framing right. It's not about twisting arms, right? It’s about making the conversation feel like a collaboration, like you are naturally on the same side. I see it as, like, building a bridge, not a wall. Autumn: Exactly! And when we intentionally use these principles, we aren't just picking better words; we're actually creating better outcomes, you know? Whether it's building trust, driving action, or simply making someone feel heard, these strategies can have a pretty big ripple effect that goes way beyond just that one conversation. Rachel: Okay, so here's a challenge for our listeners: pick “one” phrase we talked about today, just one, and try it out this week. Maybe it's "What do you know about…?" to get a colleague curious, or "I'm not sure if this is for you, but…" to lower someone's defenses. See how these tiny shifts in what you say can really change how you connect with people. Autumn: Right. And remember, it's not just about the words themselves. It's how you say them – with real authenticity, with empathy, and with the genuine intention to connect. Because at the end of the day, our words have so much power to shape the world around us, and that's definitely something worth mastering. Rachel: So, go out there, give it a try, and see how your conversations change. Thanks for tuning in. Autumn: Until next time, everyone! Keep speaking with purpose and listening with intent. See you soon!