Mark: You know that old saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"? Michelle: Of course. The ultimate motivational poster quote. I think my high school gym teacher had it laminated. Mark: Well, according to the Navy SEALs, that’s dangerously passive. They believe what doesn't kill you is just an opportunity. True strength comes from actively seeking out the pain and burning it as fuel. Michelle: Whoa. Okay, that is not what my gym teacher meant. That sounds less like a motivational quote and more like a threat. Where is this coming from? Mark: It’s the core idea behind the book we’re diving into today: Embrace the Suck: The Navy SEAL Way to an Extraordinary Life by Brent Gleeson. And the author, Brent Gleeson, isn't just a writer. He's a decorated Navy SEAL from Team 5 who served in Iraq, but he also has an MBA and founded multiple successful companies. He's lived this philosophy from the battlefield to the boardroom. Michelle: That’s a fascinating combination. It’s not just a military memoir then; it’s a business and life philosophy forged in some of the most intense environments on earth. The book is highly rated, but I’ve seen some readers find the tone a bit… intense, maybe even male-centric. Is this a mindset for everyone, or just for aspiring warriors? Mark: That is the central question, isn't it? And Gleeson argues it's for anyone who wants to live an extraordinary life. He starts with a foreword from the legendary David Goggins, who basically says your mind is your biggest enemy, and you have to learn to control it, or you'll forever be its slave. Michelle: Goggins doesn't pull any punches. So, this idea of 'burning pain as fuel'… it sounds great, but what does that actually look like in practice? It sounds brutal.

Mark: It is brutal. And Gleeson takes us right into the heart of it with his experience in BUD/S—the SEAL training program. Specifically, Hell Week. This is five and a half days of constant, nonstop, miserable training. You get maybe four hours of sleep total for the entire week. Michelle: That’s not training; that’s a torture simulation. Mark: Exactly. And he describes this one evolution called "surf torture." The trainees, already freezing and exhausted, have to lie in the Pacific surf at night, linked arm in arm, while the frigid waves crash over them. Their bodies are shaking uncontrollably. They're covered in sand. It's pure, unadulterated misery. Michelle: I’m cold just thinking about it. Why? What is the possible point of that? Mark: That's what they're all thinking! Men are quitting, running up to ring the bell that signals they're done. But then an instructor yells something profound. He says, "Gentlemen, take all that pain, shaking, and cold and turn it into aggression. Let it drive you." Michelle: Turn it into aggression? Not just endure it, but weaponize it? Mark: Precisely. It’s a complete mental reframing. The pain isn't an obstacle; it's the fuel. This is where David Goggins' "forty percent rule" comes in. The idea is that when your mind is screaming at you to stop, when you think you are completely maxed out, you've only actually used about forty percent of your true potential. Michelle: Okay, that’s a powerful concept. The idea that there's this huge reserve tank of sixty percent we never even touch because our brain's governor kicks in too early. But these are SEALs, men who are already at the peak of human performance. How does this apply to someone whose 'Hell Week' is a project deadline, a difficult conversation, or just getting through a packed inbox? Mark: Gleeson argues the principle is universal. It's about building "mental calluses." Just like lifting weights creates calluses on your hands, intentionally putting yourself through discomfort—physical or mental—builds resilience. You start small. Maybe it's taking a cold shower. Maybe it's finally having that conversation you've been dreading. You're teaching your brain that discomfort isn't a signal to retreat; it's a signal that you're growing. Michelle: So you’re saying we need to intentionally choose the harder path in small ways to build up that tolerance for when the big challenges hit? Mark: Yes, and the book offers a framework for this, called the Pain Transformation Process. The first step is to fully experience your emotions. Don't suppress the anger, the fear, the frustration. Let it in. The second is to challenge your perspective. Is this event truly the end of the world, or is it a random bad thing? The book points out our brains are wired with confirmation bias—we look for patterns, like "bad things come in threes." But scientists say they don't; we just filter reality to fit the narrative. Michelle: That’s so true. We tell ourselves a story of suffering. So, you feel the pain, but you question the story you're telling yourself about the pain. Mark: Exactly. And the third step is to stay active and surround yourself with a "boat crew" of positive people. In Hell Week, the only way to survive is to rely on the man next to you. But there’s a tragic story in the book that really drives home the stakes of this philosophy. The class leader, a man named John Skop, was a respected officer, a true leader. He was suffering from severe pneumonia during Hell Week but refused to quit, pushing through for his team. Michelle: Oh no, I have a bad feeling about this. Mark: During a swimming exercise, he collapsed and sank to the bottom of the pool. He died. The instructors secured Hell Week right then and there. The remaining trainees were left with this profound mix of relief and guilt. Michelle: That's heartbreaking. How do you even process that? Mark: Gleeson says it became their "why." They realized life is short and fragile. Skop's sacrifice became their motivation to live a life of purpose, to never take it for granted. It solidified their values. And that's the perfect pivot, because embracing the suck isn't about random self-torture. It's about having an internal architecture. And nothing shows this better than what happens when your values are tested by fire.

Michelle: Right, because suffering without purpose is just suffering. It has to be directed at something. It has to mean something. Mark: And the book gives the most incredible example of this with the story of another SEAL, Jason Redman. In 2007, in Iraq, his team was ambushed. Redman was hit by machine-gun fire. He took rounds to his face and arm. His jaw was basically gone. It was a catastrophic, life-altering injury. Michelle: I can’t even imagine. Mark: He was evacuated to a hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, facing dozens of surgeries and a brutal recovery. And while lying there, disfigured and in agony, he wrote a sign and taped it to his hospital room door. Michelle: What did it say? Mark: It was this bright orange, handwritten sign. It started, "Attention to all who enter here. If you are coming into this room with sorrow or to feel sorry for my wounds, go elsewhere." It went on to say that he got his wounds in a job he loved, for a country he loved, and that he would make a full recovery. And he ended it with this: "This room you are about to enter is a room of fun, optimism, and intense rapid regrowth. If you are not prepared for that, go elsewhere. —The Management." Michelle: Wow. That gives me chills. To have that mindset, in that moment… that’s not just toughness, that’s a profound act of will. He was defining the terms of his own recovery. Mark: He was living his values. His purpose—love of country, team, family—was so strong that it gave him a framework to process unimaginable pain. Now, contrast that with another story Gleeson tells, about a young entrepreneur he calls "Jeff." Michelle: Okay, let's hear about Jeff. Mark: Jeff was brilliant, ambitious, and successful early on. But his core values were money and status. He neglected his wife and child, promising he'd focus on them after his startup hit some arbitrary revenue goal. His wife finally confronted him, and he essentially told her the business came first. Michelle: Oh, Jeff. That’s a losing hand. Mark: A losing hand he dealt himself. His wife left him. The divorce was a nightmare. And his business? It never hit the target and was eventually sold for its debt. He lost everything. Michelle: Wow. So one man, Jason Redman, uses a catastrophic injury to forge his purpose, and Jeff loses everything because his purpose was hollow to begin with. It really highlights that your values aren't just nice words; they are the load-bearing walls of your life. Mark: That's the perfect analogy. And this is why Gleeson introduces a tool called the "Personal Values Manifesto." It’s not just about listing words like 'honesty' or 'courage.' It's a three-part process. First, you define your top 3-5 core values. Second, and this is the crucial part, you define the specific behaviors that support each value. What does 'courage' actually look like on a Tuesday afternoon? Michelle: I like that. It forces you to make it real. It’s not "I value health," it's "I will move my body for 30 minutes every day." Mark: Exactly. And the third step is accountability. How will you measure it? Who will you share it with? It’s an operating system for your life. And it's what helps you fight off what Gleeson calls the "Temptation Tiger." Michelle: The Temptation Tiger! My Temptation Tiger is named 'Netflix and a pint of ice cream.' What's the book's take on it? Mark: It's the idea that temptation is always lurking, promising immediate gratification that derails your long-term goals. The book tells this wild, almost allegorical story of a poacher in Russia named Vladimir Markov who wounds an Amur tiger and steals its kill. The tiger, in an act of what seems like premeditated revenge, hunts him down, waits for him at his cabin, and... well, eats him. Michelle: Good heavens! That's a bit more intense than my ice cream problem. But the point is clear: giving in to short-term greed or temptation can have fatal consequences for your long-term goals. Mark: And finally, this architecture of resilience has to include a healthy relationship with failure. The SEALs have a saying: "If you ain't failin', you ain't tryin'." Failure isn't the opposite of success; it's a part of it. Michelle: That's a concept a lot of us struggle with. We're so afraid of looking incompetent that we'd rather not try than risk failing. Mark: Gleeson shares a personal story about giving a speech at a big conference. He thought he did well, but the editor-in-chief of the magazine hosting it later told him bluntly, "Your speech was not good." Gleeson was initially angry and defensive, but he eventually accepted the feedback and used that failure as fuel. He vowed to never be unprepared again and became a world-class speaker. He embraced the suck of that criticism.

Michelle: So it all seems to connect back. The pain of failure, the pain of discipline, the pain of a physical challenge—it’s all just raw energy. But it's useless, or even destructive, without a purpose to channel it. Mark: That’s the ultimate synthesis. You can't just 'embrace the suck' randomly. You need a 'why.' The pain of Hell Week is endurable because of the mission and the brotherhood. Jason Redman's recovery was fueled by his love for his country and family. Gleeson's speaking career was built from the sting of failure because his purpose was to share his message effectively. The pain only becomes a pathway when it's guided by deep, unshakable values. Michelle: So it's not about being the toughest person in the room, but the most anchored. You have to know what you're willing to hurt for. Mark: Exactly. It’s about choosing your suffering. You can suffer the pain of discipline or you can suffer the pain of regret. The SEAL philosophy is to choose discipline every time, because it leads to freedom and an extraordinary life. Michelle: I think that’s a powerful takeaway. Maybe the first step for anyone listening isn't to go run an ultramarathon, but to just sit down and ask that question: what are the non-negotiable principles I'm willing to suffer for? What's my 'why'? Mark: That’s the foundation for everything else. Once you know that, the suck doesn't seem so bad. It just becomes part of the journey. Michelle: A profound and practical way to reframe life's biggest challenges. A fantastic read. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.