Narrator: Imagine receiving a message from a dear childhood friend. She has just had a baby girl, and she asks you a question that is both simple and monumental: "How can I raise my daughter to be a feminist?" This is not a theoretical exercise; it is a heartfelt plea for practical guidance. The weight of this question is immense, touching on identity, equality, and the very fabric of the world we want to build for the next generation. This is the exact situation that confronted author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a moment that sparked a profound reflection on what it truly means to raise a child in a world still rife with gender inequality.

Her response, initially a personal letter to her friend, evolved into the powerful and concise book, Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions. Adichie transforms her personal advice into a universal guide, arguing that having honest, deliberate conversations about raising children differently is a moral urgency. The book is not a rigid set of rules but a collection of thoughtful, actionable principles designed to create a fairer world for both women and men, starting from the very first days of a child’s life.

Narrator: Before any lessons can be taught to a child, Adichie argues that the parents must first embody the principles they wish to instill. The manifesto’s first two suggestions establish this crucial foundation. The first suggestion is for the mother to "be a full person." Adichie challenges the pervasive societal expectation that motherhood should consume a woman's identity. She urges mothers to continue to be defined by their work, their hobbies, their passions, and their ambitions. A mother who models a full, self-actualized life teaches her daughter by example that her worth is not solely tied to her future roles as a wife or mother. By seeing her mother as a complete individual, a daughter learns that she, too, is entitled to a life of her own making.

The second suggestion, "Do it together," directly addresses the structure of the partnership. Adichie dismantles the language of "helping" that often surrounds fatherhood. A father changing a diaper or feeding his child is not "helping" the mother; he is parenting. By framing childcare as a shared and equal responsibility, parents reject the ingrained cultural notion that mothering is a primary role and fathering is a secondary, supportive one. This modeling of a true partnership is one of the most powerful feminist lessons a child can absorb. It teaches a daughter from infancy that her future relationships should be built on a bedrock of mutual respect and equal effort, and it teaches a son the same invaluable lesson.

Narrator: Adichie asserts that feminist parenting is not a passive act but an active process of deconstruction. It requires parents to consciously identify and reject the harmful gender norms that society imposes on children from birth. The third suggestion is blunt: "Teach her that the idea of ‘gender roles’ is absolute nonsense." This means never telling a child, "You can't do that, it's for boys," or "You should do this, it's for girls." A child's interests, whether in trucks or dolls, cooking or climbing, should be nurtured based on their individual curiosity, not a pre-written gender script.

This deconstruction extends to the very ideology of feminism itself. In her fourth suggestion, Adichie warns against "Feminism Lite." This is the watered-down, conditional version of equality that accepts female empowerment only as long as it doesn't challenge the fundamental male-dominated structure. Feminism Lite uses justifications like, "He is the head, but you are the neck," which still centers male authority. Adichie advocates for a feminism rooted in full, unconditional equality. Furthermore, she urges parents to teach their children to question the language they hear and the cultural narratives they are told. This includes challenging the selective use of biology to justify social norms, reminding a child that while biological differences exist, the social meanings we attach to them are human-made and can, and should, be changed.

Narrator: To navigate a world that will constantly try to define and limit her, a girl needs a strong internal compass. Adichie dedicates several suggestions to building this inner resilience. The fifth suggestion is simple yet profound: "Teach Chizalum to read." Books are not just for education; they are tools for self-discovery and empowerment. A love of reading gives a child the ability to question, to imagine other worlds, and to understand her own. It equips her with the language to articulate her own thoughts and feelings, forming a critical defense against external pressures.

Equally important is the eighth suggestion: "Teach her to reject likeability." Society socializes girls to be pleasing, to shrink themselves to make others comfortable. Adichie argues this is a cage. Instead of raising a "likeable" girl, she advises raising one who is honest, kind, brave, and, above all, true to herself. Her self-worth should come from her character and her actions, not from the validation of others. This is complemented by the ninth suggestion, to "Give Chizalum a sense of identity." This involves teaching a child about her heritage and culture, giving her a solid ground to stand on. This doesn't mean accepting culture uncritically; rather, it means giving her the tools to appreciate its beauty while also identifying and rejecting its harmful elements.

Narrator: The final set of suggestions provides practical guidance for navigating the specific challenges a girl will face. Adichie tackles the fraught topic of appearance, advising parents to be deliberate in their engagement. This means complimenting effort and intelligence over just beauty, encouraging sports for the physical confidence they build, and allowing a girl to express herself through fashion and makeup without judgment. The goal is to disconnect her self-worth from her appearance. Similarly, Adichie insists that marriage should never be spoken of as an achievement. It is a choice, a part of life, but not the ultimate prize for a woman.

Adichie also stresses the importance of open and early conversations about sex and romance. By discussing sex in a factual, shame-free way, parents can teach their daughters about consent, pleasure, and bodily autonomy, arming them against a culture that often links female sexuality with shame. When romance happens, parents should be on board, teaching their daughter to expect reciprocity and to value herself within a relationship. Finally, Adichie offers two nuanced points on social justice. When teaching about oppression, she cautions against turning the oppressed into saints; human dignity is inherent and not dependent on being morally perfect. And in teaching about difference, the goal is not to assign value but to foster understanding and acceptance, recognizing that there are many valid ways to live a life.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Dear Ijeawele is that raising a feminist is an intentional, continuous, and deeply personal act of "trying." It is not about achieving perfection but about committing to a conscious effort. Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s manifesto is powerful precisely because of its humility. After laying out her fifteen suggestions, she acknowledges, as a new mother herself, how much easier it is to dispense advice than to live it. Her friend’s response to the original letter was that she would "try," and Adichie concludes by saying that she, too, is determined to try.

This book’s real-world impact lies in its accessibility and its call for self-reflection. It challenges us to look beyond grand political statements and examine the subtle, everyday ways we reinforce gender inequality in our own homes. The most challenging idea it leaves us with is that this work begins not with our children, but with ourselves. It asks a question that every parent, and indeed every person, must consider: Are we willing to do the hard work of examining our own biases and modeling a different way of being, in the hope of creating a truly fairer world?