Autumn: Hey everyone, welcome back! Today we're getting into something that's always at play, whether you realize it or not – the hidden language of communication. How often do you think about the impact of your words, posture, or eye contact? Rachel: Probably after I've completely bombed in a meeting. You know, when someone's raised eyebrow feels like a dagger, or like, my jokes just die on stage. Autumn, are we really going to analyze every little signal? Isn’t that going a bit far? Autumn: Not at all, Rachel! And that’s where Vanessa Van Edwards’ fantastic book, “Cues: Master the Secret Language of Charismatic Communication”, comes in. It's not about overthinking; it’s about understanding and, you know, fine-tuning the signals you're already sending. The book delves into how mastering verbal, nonverbal, and vocal cues can boost traits like warmth and competence, which are, like, the real foundation of charisma. Rachel: So, charisma isn’t some magical thing you’re just born with. It’s actually… scientific? Teachable? Autumn: Absolutely! Van Edwards grounds her insights in research and real-life examples, demonstrating how small changes in how we move, speak, or even present ourselves visually can really leave a lasting impression. Whether you’re in a boardroom, a café, or presenting at a conference. Rachel: Interesting. So, what exactly are we picking apart today? Please tell me it's more than just perfecting a handshake? Autumn: Oh, way more. We're breaking it down into three key areas. First, we’ll tackle the unspoken power of body language and eye contact – creating your foundational presence. Then, we’ll explore the vocal and verbal tricks to keep people hooked. And finally, we'll touch on visuals – everything from your clothing to your environment – because even your backdrop sends a message. Rachel: Layer by layer, building charisma. Silent cues, audible charm, and a visual statement. Alright, let's jump in and see how this "language" really works, shall we?

Autumn: Alright, Rachel. Let’s dive into nonverbal cues, shall we? We’re talking body language, eye contact, posture, personal space—basically, all the silent signals we’re constantly sending. It's more than just surface-level; studies actually suggest that nonverbal communication can account for up to, get this, 90% of a message’s impact! So, yeah, it really sets the tone for how people perceive us before we even say a word. Rachel: Ninety percent? Wow. So, what am I even doing here with my eloquent words? Just kidding. Autumn, I get it, body language is important, but isn't a lot of it just, you know, common sense? Like, stand up straight, make eye contact... that sort of thing? Autumn: Well, you'd think so, right? But here's where it gets tricky. Not everyone is even aware of the signals they're sending. Take eye contact for example. Seems simple, but whether it's steady and engaged or darting all over the place can totally change the impression you leave. Turns out, deliberate eye contact can signal confidence and trustworthiness, while inconsistent contact can suggest nervousness or, worse, dishonesty. Rachel: Dishonesty? So, that quick glance at my phone makes me look like I'm hiding something? Seriously, though, how do you strike the right balance without, you know, creeping people out by staring? Autumn: Good point! It's not about a staring contest, but as a conversational connection. Balance is key—steady, intentional connection, but not so much that it becomes uncomfortable. The book suggests recording yourself, whether it’s a presentation or even a casual chat, to see how your eye contact comes across. It helps you analyze if you're engaging enough or if you need to dial it back a bit. It’s all about building that self-awareness. Rachel: Recording myself? Ugh, that sounds terrifying. I can already hear myself saying "um" every other word. But I get it. And speaking of self-awareness, what about posture? That’s the classic one – "stand up straight, don't slouch." Is there more to it than that? Autumn: Absolutely. Posture is crucial, because it not only shapes how others see you, but also affects how you feel about yourself. An upright posture with relaxed shoulders projects openness, competence, and confidence. But slouching, or even turning away slightly, can signal disinterest or a lack of confidence—often without you even realizing it. Rachel: Right, the universal "I'm bored" slouch. Got it. So, upright good, slouch bad. Is there a way to improve it without walking around with a book on my head? Autumn: Actually, there’s a neat little exercise called "fronting." Basically, you align your whole body—feet, torso, and head—toward the person you’re talking to. Subtle, but a powerful way to show you’re fully engaged. Combine that with open gestures, like keeping your palms visible, and you come across as genuinely attentive and trustworthy. It’s really valuable in professional settings, like interviews or presentations. Rachel: Let me guess… no crossed arms, right? That’s gotta be the nonverbal equivalent of a giant "Do Not Disturb" sign. Autumn: Exactly! Crossed arms can come off as defensive, although context matters, of course. Now, here’s where it gets interesting: beyond posture and eye contact, there's proxemics, which is the study of personal space. It's often overlooked, but it plays a huge role depending on the culture, the setting, or even the relationship between you and the other person. Rachel: Proxemics, huh? So, when I instinctively step back when someone gets too close, that's proxemics in action? Autumn: Bingo. Proxemics is all about how personal space communicates things like comfort levels, respect, even dominance. In Western cultures, keeping a moderate distance is standard—too close feels invasive, too far can seem disengaged. But in some Eastern cultures, being closer can signify respect and camaraderie. So recognizing and adapting, especially in international settings, helps avoid any unintentional missteps. Rachel: So, the key is to read the room, literally, and match someone’s comfort zone? I can see how mistakes can happen fast here. Step into their space in the wrong context and—boom—suddenly defensive, or worse, annoyed. Autumn: Precisely. Misjudging personal space can cause discomfort without anyone quite knowing why. But when you're tuned in, you can adjust, build trust instead of causing tension. And speaking of tension, that leads us to another interesting point the book makes – the dangers of muting your nonverbal signals. Rachel: Muting? Like, keeping a neutral poker face so you seem calm and professional? Autumn: That's the idea, but it can backfire. Suppressing body language or facial expressions often puts you in what Van Edwards calls the "Danger Zone." People might read you as cold, detached, even unapproachable. For example, in a professional setting, hiding your emotions might seem neutral, but it often leaves a weaker impression than someone who shows authentic smiles, nods, or open gestures. Rachel: So, being emotionally buttoned-up doesn’t exactly scream “intriguing,” huh? Good to know. Any examples of folks who actually nail this balance? Autumn: Definitely. The book brings up Dr. Kofi Essel, a pediatrician who’s a master of nonverbal warmth and competence. He works with kids and their stressed-out parents, so he has, like, seconds to build trust. One of his go-to moves is kneeling down to a child's eye level to show respect and accessibility. Then he adds warm gestures, like smiling or high-fiving, which instantly puts the kid—and the parents—at ease. Rachel: So, it’s not just about being goofy, it’s strategic. Getting them comfortable ripples out to the parents, who then see him as attentive, capable... smart. Autumn: Exactly. He even makes sure that, when talking to parents, his entire body is facing them, showing undivided attention. It’s a brilliant example of using nonverbal cues to project both warmth and competence. Rachel: Alright, Autumn. So, whether it’s eye contact, posture, personal space, or just showing a bit of emotion, it really comes down to being intentional, doesn’t it? I gotta admit, this whole silent language thing seems way more powerful than I initially thought.

Autumn: Understanding nonverbal cues is fundamental, and it naturally leads us to exploring how vocal and verbal cues elevate charisma. I mean, if body language sets the stage, then vocal and verbal elements, they compose the melody. They bridge the gap between what you see and what you hear, creating a complete and connected experience. Rachel: So, we're moving from, you know, these silent signals to more audible ones. I get it. But Autumn, doesn't "talking with charisma" just boil down to sounding confident? Is there really more to it than that? Autumn: Oh, definitely much more, Rachel. Vocal cues like your pace, your tone, your volume—are about more than just sounding confident. They actually shape how your message is received and remembered. And verbal cues, like your word choice, can layer on meaning and emotional resonance. Together, they determine whether you inspire trust, spark a connection, or, you know, just lose your audience completely. Rachel: Okay, I'm intrigued. Give me an example. Why does this go beyond just plain old "sounding good?" Autumn: There's this really important study on patient-doctor relationships, it found that doctors who used warm and confident tones were trusted more by their patients. And this was even when their medical advice wasn't necessarily the most accurate! The tone, Rachel, had more sway than the technical precision. Rachel: You're saying even if their diagnosis isn't spot-on, a doctor can lose trust if they sound unsure? That's both concerning and, well, fascinating. Autumn: Exactly. And it’s not just doctors. Job interviews also highlight this dynamic. Research shows candidates with steady, confident vocal tones consistently do better than those relying solely on stellar credentials. It underlines a key point: delivery often matters as much, if not more, than the content. Rachel: So, it “really” is about how you say it, not just what you're saying. That brings up a question: what are the red flags? I mean, surely there are vocal habits that can ruin everything, right? Autumn: Absolutely. Two big culprits are vocal fry and uptalk. Rachel: Wait, vocal fry? Isn't that just, like, the raspy "I stayed up too late binge-watching" voice? Autumn: Sort of. It's that low, creaky tone — think the Kardashians' signature way of speaking. It often comes across as disengaged, or lacking energy. While it’s become trendy in certain circles, studies show it's subconsciously associated with less competence and professionalism. Rachel: So it’s not just annoying; it’s counterproductive. What about uptalk? Autumn: Uptalk is when people end declarative sentences with a rising inflection, as if they're asking a question. It makes even confident statements sound uncertain. Imagine a salesperson saying, "This package is amazing! It's only $1,500?" instead of, "This package is amazing. It's only $1,500." The first version leaves room for doubt; the second inspires confidence. Rachel: So, a tiny change in tone can turn a sales pitch into a question—and potentially lose the deal. No pressure, right? Autumn: It’s all about awareness and practice. For example, Elliot, in the book, he overcame his uptalk by recording himself, identifying patterns, and then deliberately practicing declarative statements. Once he mastered it, his sales performance soared. Rachel: Okay, so no vocal fry, no uptalk. But what about volume? I feel like that’s an underestimated part of how people speak. Autumn: Definitely. Volume is more than just loudness; it reflects emotional control and engagement. A louder tone conveys passion or urgency. Lowering your voice can create intimacy and draw people in. But consistently low volume, often tied to insecurity, can make a speaker seem disinterested—or worse, deceptive. Rachel: Deceptive? That's dramatic. How does volume link to lying? Autumn: Research shows that liars often instinctively lower their voices in an unconscious attempt to avoid scrutiny. That drop in volume can unintentionally flag dishonesty to listeners. On the flip side, speakers who vary their volume dynamically stay engaging, and are perceived as more trustworthy. Rachel: So channeling a Morgan Freeman-esque, commanding, dynamic tone isn't just for dramatic effect—it’s a trust-building strategy. Makes sense. Autumn: Exactly. The key is using shifts in volume intentionally. Raise your voice when expressing excitement or key points, and soften it for intimate moments, or to highlight sincerity. I mean, it's a powerful tool for conveying your emotional state and keeping your audience engaged. Rachel: Alright, what about the actual words we're using? Tone and volume are great, but do our verbal choices really matter as much as the sound? Autumn: They absolutely do. Verbal cues — like intentional affirmations or warm phrases — enhance emotional connection. You know, a great example from the book is the Starbucks employee who turned routine orders into memorable interactions just through her words and tone. She’d respond warmly with phrases like, “Oh, great choice!” or “Tell me more,” instantly creating a bond with customers. Rachel: So, it’s not what she's selling—just coffee, after all—but how her choice of words and warmth make people feel? Right? Autumn: Exactly. It’s what Vanessa Van Edwards calls "vocal invitations." Simple affirmations like “That’s interesting!” or “Wow, great point” don’t add effort but foster deeper engagement. Rachel: I guess the trick is not overdoing it, though. Too many enthusiastic "great choices" and people are rolling their eyes. Autumn: Precisely—it's a balancing act. The goal is authenticity. Genuine tone, aligned with intentional phrasing, creates the most lasting impression. It's all about making your words work in harmony with how you deliver them. Rachel: So, if I master all this – tone, volume, word choice—do I just automatically become, you know, the most compelling person in the room? Autumn: Potentially, but only if these elements are synchronized with your nonverbal cues. Misalignment between, say, a confident tone and disengaged body language creates a disconnect. When everything—from words to posture—aligns, that’s when charisma truly shines.

Autumn: So, having explored vocal dynamics, we turn to visual and environmental cues, and how they amplify our presence and influence. Essentially, it broadens our perspective to include the environmental and aesthetic factors that complete our holistic communication toolkit. Rachel: Right, we're moving from the sound of communication to the… well, the everything-else of it, huh? It's not just about the power tie or the perfect Zoom backdrop, is it? Autumn: Exactly. It's about how all these elements—attire, colors, our very spaces—shape perceptions and set the stage for every interaction. They are silent but very impactful, and they help align how others see us with what we intend to convey – competence, warmth, authority, whatever it may be. Rachel: So, you're saying I can subtly control the entire vibe of a meeting just by, you know, choosing the right shirt or rearranging my desk? Autumn: Definitely. Take color psychology. Certain colors evoke pretty universal emotions. Red, implying urgency, is why it's used in stop signs or big sales blitzes. Blue, projecting trust and calm, is used in corporate environments and bank branding. Even adding small touches, like incorporating green to highlight sustainability or health, can significantly change perceptions. Rachel: Okay, colors equal mood control. Got it. But how much does this really matter? Are people honestly swayed by whether I wear a blue tie versus a red one to a meeting? Autumn: More than you think. Research backs this up. A Netflix study found that 82% of their viewers base their viewing decisions more on the visuals than the descriptions. It isn't just about what you say, or how great your CV is, people make very quick judgments based on appearance and presentation. Rachel: Fascinating... and mildly terrifying. So, the lesson is, don't roll into that crucial meeting with mismatched socks, expecting sheer brilliance to compensate? Autumn: Right, it's about aligning those visual cues with the message you want to send. And speaking of alignment, the book also explores personal branding through attire, how what you wear becomes a form of "nonverbal branding," signaling authority, creativity, or approachability, depending on the situation. Rachel: "Nonverbal branding"—that's interesting. So does that mean I have to ditch Casual Fridays entirely to be taken seriously around here? My sneakers will be crushed. Autumn: Not necessarily. It’s about dressing for the occasion and being intentional with your choices. Tailored, neutral outfits signal reliability in corporate environments, while a bold accessory might reflect your creativity. The aim isn’t to sacrifice comfort, but to always signal a role and value. Rachel: Okay, so no Hawaiian shirts at board meetings. Noted. But what about the where? Does the setting itself matter as much as what we wear or who we are? Autumn: Absolutely. Think of a physical or even virtual environment as a visual language in itself. A clean, well-organized space with thoughtful design communicates discipline. On the other hand, a cluttered, dimly lit room might unintentionally signal chaos or disinterest. Rachel: That makes a lot of sense. Now I'm rethinking my messy bookshelf behind me during Zoom calls. Should I curate it? Stack a few books by Einstein, maybe a globe? Autumn: That connects with the idea of environmental intentionality. Not about being pretentious, but understanding the subtle messages your space projects. A clean, well-lit background with tasteful décor projects organization and focus. And, displaying things like awards, art, or even sustainable elements, like wood furnishings or greenery, subtly reinforces your values. Rachel: Right. So, by tweaking my background or workspace, I'm not just trying to avoid judgment; I'm actively building trust and reinforcing my brand. Autumn: Precisely. Even small choices, like warm-toned lighting versus cold fluorescents, can change how approachable or energetic people perceive you to be. And this extends beyond workspaces to frame all interactions, whether personal or a formal meetings. Rachel: It's funny you say that. It reminds me of Benjamin Franklin deliberately styling himself like a minimalist among French aristocrats, right? Autumn: Exactly! Franklin is such a great example of how thoughtful visual cues can shape perception. At the French court, a world of extravagant wigs and finery, Franklin intentionally kept his appearance very simple–plain cotton garments instead of powdered wigs and velvet. His look reflected American values of authenticity and industry, making him stand out in a powerful way. Rachel: So, instead of trying to one-up their flair, he… out-simplified them? Brilliant. He leveraged his "difference" as a visual strength. Autumn: Exactly! It is a crucial point - not all visual cues are about blending in. Sometimes standing out deliberately, as Franklin did, can amplify your message. We call this idea the "power of contrast.” Done well, it captures attention and reinforces your core values. Rachel: So standing out isn’t about gimmicks; it’s about aligning your visual choices with the story you’re telling. Like Franklin, it has to feel intentional, not just disruptive. Autumn: Yes. Intentionality is key. Every choice in your appearance, your color palette, even your surroundings, works best when it supports the larger narrative. Think of Sugarfina, the high-end candy company. Their Tiffany-blue packaging completely shifted the perception of candy from a childish treat to a luxury gift. Rachel: Wait, so a fancy box can elevate gummy bears into something you give to someone important? That's brilliant. It's proof that even a small touch can drastically shift the narrative around, whether it's a product or a person. Autumn: Yes, that’s the bigger takeaway. Whether it’s what you wear or how you curate your environment, it all comes back to visual cues shaping perceptions. Rachel: Speaking of biases, can this actually help us challenge preconceived notions that people might have about us? Autumn: Definitely. By deliberately choosing clothing, colors, or backdrops that signal warmth and competence, you can counter stereotypes or hasty judgments, creating spaces that encourage inclusion and trust. Rachel: There's a lot at stake here—this isn't just about aesthetics, is it? These visual choices have the power to influence relationships, influence outcomes, and even challenge our perceptions. Autumn: Precisely, Rachel. It's everything from the colors we see to the spaces we create, contributing to a holistic communication strategy. Visual and environmental cues complete the tapestry, allowing charisma to be conveyed – verbally, vocally, and aesthetically. Rachel: That's got me rethinking everything from my wardrobe to my office setup. It's fascinating, really—this silent, powerful language of cues all around us.

Autumn: Wow, Rachel, what a journey! We've covered so much today. From the subtle power of body language, like posture and eye contact, to how our voice and words shape perceptions, and finally, how our environment and appearance send messages. It's all connected. Rachel: It really is amazing, Autumn. So, charisma isn’t just something you're born with? It's a real skill, and it seems like it's a mix of actions, signals, and even choices that we can consciously control. How we hold ourselves, how we speak, even the spaces we create – it all speaks volumes, whether we realize it or not. Autumn: Exactly! And that's the exciting part. It's not about pretending to be someone else. It's about being genuine, being aware, and making sure all those signals line up with what you're trying to communicate. Rachel: Okay, so, what's the big takeaway here for everyone listening? Autumn: Pay attention! Pay attention to the signals you are sending. Rachel: Right, pay attention to the signals we're sending, both the obvious ones and the subtle ones. So, by really getting a handle on these cues, we're not just better communicators, but we're actually shaping how people see us and connect with us. Autumn: Precisely. I challenge everyone to intentionally think about those nonverbal, vocal, and even visual choices we make. When those cues are in sync with what you're all about, you're not just telling your story, you're living it in a way that's charismatic and “really” connects with people. Rachel: Alright, Autumn, I think we’ve definitely given everyone a lot to think about – and maybe even practice! But you know, gotta walk the talk, right? Time for us to work on our own signals a bit. Autumn: Absolutely! And just remember, even small tweaks can make a huge difference. So, let's go into every interaction with purpose and confidence. And as Vanessa Van Edwards says, charisma isn't some mysterious thing – it's a skill, and it's something we can all get better at.