Mark: Alright, Michelle. The topic is "coaching." Give me your five-word review. Michelle: Oh, that's easy. "Just tell me the answer." Mark: Wow, straight to the point. Mine would be: "The answer is in you." Michelle: See, that sounds much nicer, but also a lot more work for me. It has that optimistic, self-helpy glow. Mark: It does! And that fundamental difference is exactly what we're diving into today with the book Co-Active Coaching: New Skills for Coaching People Toward Success in Work and Life. It’s written by a team of four pioneers: Laura Whitworth, Karen and Henry Kimsey-House, and Phillip Sandahl. Michelle: That’s a mouthful. Sounds like they needed a coach just to coordinate writing the book. Mark: They probably did! But what's fascinating is that this book, first published way back in 1998, is often called the "bible of coaching." It essentially helped launch the entire professional coaching industry as we know it today, moving it from the sports field into the boardroom and beyond. Michelle: Okay, "bible of coaching" is a big claim. So let's start with the title. What does 'Co-Active' even mean? It sounds a bit like corporate jargon for "let's collaborate on this action item." Mark: That’s a fair critique, and it’s the perfect place to start. The authors break it down very simply. The "Co-" stands for the relationship, the partnership. The coach and client are on the same level, in it together. The "Active" part is about the action, the learning, the momentum that comes from that partnership. It's about creating change. Michelle: Okay, that’s clearer. But lots of things are about partnership. What makes this model so special that it became the "bible"? Mark: It's built on four foundational beliefs, or cornerstones, and one of them is truly radical. It’s the idea that the client is, and I quote, "naturally creative, resourceful, and whole." Michelle: Hold on. Naturally creative, resourceful, and whole? But isn't the entire reason people hire a coach because they feel stuck, broken, or incomplete? If they were already whole, they wouldn't need help. Mark: And that is the revolutionary idea. The Co-Active model says the coach's job is not to fix a broken person. It's to help a whole person access their own resourcefulness. You don't provide the answers; you believe they already have them and you help them excavate them.

Michelle: That sounds lovely in theory, but I’m skeptical. What does that look like in practice? If someone comes to you and says, "I want to start a business but I'm terrified and I don't know how," you can't just say, "The answer is within you, good luck!" Mark: Absolutely not. You create a space for them to find it. The book gives this great example of a client, let's call her Sarah, who wants to start her own business but is paralyzed by this inner critical voice, what the book calls the 'Saboteur.' This voice tells her she's not good enough, she'll fail, she doesn't have the skills. Michelle: I think we all have a Saboteur on our personal payroll. Mine works overtime. Mark: Exactly. A traditional consultant might give her a 10-step business plan. But a co-active coach would help her identify that Saboteur voice. They'd ask powerful questions like, "What does that voice sound like?" or "When you listen to that voice, what happens to your energy?" And then, "What's another voice inside you? What does your confident, capable self have to say?" Michelle: Ah, so you're not ignoring the problem, you're helping them see it as just one part of them, not the whole of them. Mark: Precisely. The coach helps Sarah realize her self-doubt is based on unfounded fears, not facts. By asking questions about her past successes and her core values, the coach helps her connect with her own resourcefulness. She had the capability all along; the Saboteur was just shouting louder. The coach's job is to turn up the volume on her own inner wisdom. Michelle: Okay, I can see how that's more empowering. It’s like the difference between giving someone a fish and teaching them to fish. But the coach is teaching them to fish in their own, personal, internal lake. Mark: That’s a perfect analogy. And it leads to the other cornerstones. Because the client is whole, the agenda must come from them. The coach doesn't decide what's important; the client does. The coaching also addresses the client's whole life, not just the business problem, because a Saboteur at work is probably also a Saboteur in relationships or health. Michelle: That makes sense. A problem is never just a problem in a vacuum. But this all sounds very fluid. If the client sets the agenda and the coach is just asking questions, how do you make sure the conversation actually goes somewhere productive? Mark: That's the fourth cornerstone, and my personal favorite: "The coach dances in the moment." Michelle: Dances in the moment? Okay, now you've lost me again. Are we talking about actual dancing? Because I'm not sure that's billable. Mark: No, it's a metaphor for being completely present, flexible, and responsive. It means you don't go into a session with a rigid plan. You listen so deeply that you can respond to the subtle shifts in the conversation, the client's energy, and your own intuition. It’s less like a choreographed routine and more like jazz improvisation.

Michelle: Jazz improvisation. I like that. It’s about sensing the rhythm of the conversation. That feels connected to what you said earlier about listening. You mentioned it was a core skill. Mark: It's the core skill. And the book presents it in a way that completely changed how I think about it. It outlines three distinct levels of listening. Michelle: Okay, break them down for me. Mark: Level I is Internal Listening. This is where most of us live most of the time. You're listening, but your focus is on yourself. You're thinking, "What does this mean to me? What story can I tell? What's my opinion? When can I jump in?" Your internal monologue is running. Michelle: Wow. You just described every meeting I've ever been in. And maybe every first date. I am the queen of Level I listening. Mark: We all are! It's our default. Level II is Focused Listening. Here, your awareness is lasered in on the other person. You're not thinking about your own response. You're listening to their words, their tone, their emotions. You're trying to understand their world, not just how it relates to yours. This is where real connection begins. Michelle: That already sounds hard. It requires shutting down that inner narrator. But you said there were three levels. What could possibly be beyond that intense focus? Mark: Level III is Global Listening. This is the "dancing in themoment" level. You're not just listening to the person's words; you're listening to everything. The energy in the room, the unspoken emotions, the things they aren't saying. You're using your intuition. It's a 360-degree awareness. Michelle: Okay, that sounds a little... psychic. Can you give me a real-world example? What does Level III listening actually pick up on? Mark: The book has a fantastic example. A client is talking about the stress of moving. On the surface, it's about unpacking boxes and a messy house. A Level II listener would hear the stress and offer solutions for organizing. But a Level III listener might notice a certain energy, a feeling of heaviness or resignation in the client's voice. Michelle: A vibe, basically. Mark: Exactly. The coach, listening at Level III, might say something intuitive like, "It sounds like you're talking about boxes, but I'm sensing a feeling of being trapped. What's that about?" And suddenly, the conversation cracks open. The client reveals it's not about the boxes at all. It's about feeling trapped in their job, or their relationship, and the messy house is just a physical manifestation of that deeper feeling. Michelle: Whoa. That's powerful. A Level I listener would have told their own moving story. A Level II listener would have suggested a good organizing system. But a Level III listener heard the real issue hiding behind the stated one. Mark: And that's the magic. That's where transformation happens. It's not about solving the problem of the boxes. It's about uncovering the real agenda, the thing that truly matters. The book argues that this kind of listening, this kind of intuitive dancing, is what separates good coaching from truly life-changing coaching. It’s a skill that can be developed, but it requires immense self-management from the coach to quiet their own mind and just be present. Michelle: It's a kind of radical presence. It also sounds incredibly draining. Mark: It can be, which is why self-management is another key context. But it's also energizing. When you facilitate that kind of breakthrough for someone, it's an incredible feeling. The book uses another great story, where a client is struggling to increase their output at work. The coach intuitively remembers the client used to run marathons. Michelle: That seems like a random connection. Mark: It is! It's an intuitive leap. The coach asks, "How would a marathon runner approach this?" And the client, at first confused, suddenly lights up. They realize they're trying to sprint a marathon. They need a training plan, rest days, a different pace. The solution was already inside them, in their own past experience. The coach's intuitive, Level III listening just provided the key to unlock it.

Michelle: That’s fascinating. So, when you put it all together, this Co-Active model isn't really a set of techniques or scripts to follow. It’s a fundamental shift in how you see the other person—from someone who is broken and needs your advice, to someone who is whole and just needs a partner to help them discover their own wisdom. Mark: You've absolutely nailed it. It's a philosophy first, and a set of skills second. The listening, the curiosity, the powerful questions—they are all just tools to serve that core belief that the client is naturally creative, resourceful, and whole. Michelle: It reframes "helping" completely. Helping isn't about giving answers. It's about asking better questions and listening with your whole being. Mark: Exactly. And the most amazing thing is that while this book is for coaches, these principles are universally applicable. In a business meeting, with your kids, with your partner. What would happen if we approached our conversations believing the other person was whole and had their own answers? Michelle: The world would probably be a much quieter, and much more interesting, place. We'd all be doing a lot more listening. Mark: And that's the perfect takeaway. For anyone listening, here’s a simple, concrete challenge. In your very next conversation today, try to consciously shift from Level I to Level II listening. Just for two minutes. Don't plan your response. Don't think about your own story. Just focus entirely on understanding what the other person is saying, feeling, and meaning. Michelle: That sounds both incredibly simple and incredibly difficult. I'm in. And for our listeners, we'd love to hear how that experiment goes for you. Was it harder than you thought? What did you notice? Find us on our social channels and share your experience. It's a conversation we'd love to continue. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.