Mark: A fascinating study from a few years back found that a full 75% of the drain on our resilience at work doesn't come from a heavy workload, impossible deadlines, or complex projects. Michelle: Oh, I’m almost afraid to ask what it is. Let me guess. Is it the terrible coffee in the breakroom? Mark: Close, but not quite. It’s managing difficult people. Three-quarters of our emotional energy at work is spent navigating office politics, dealing with a toxic colleague, or handling a difficult boss. Michelle: That feels painfully true. It’s the human stuff that really gets you. The work itself is often the easy part. It’s the navigating of personalities that leaves you exhausted by the end of the day. Mark: Exactly. And that's the precise territory that Dr. Susan Kahn, a business psychologist and executive coach, explores in her book, Bounce Back: How to Fail Fast and Be Resilient at Work. What's so compelling about her approach is that she isn't just a theorist; she draws from her deep work with real executives and even psychoanalysis to get under the skin of what makes us tick, or what makes us break, in a professional environment. Michelle: Psychoanalysis at work? That sounds intense. So this isn't just another book about 'powering through' or 'hustling harder'? Mark: Not at all. It's about fundamentally rewiring our relationship with failure and building the internal architecture to handle the inevitable setbacks. The book was actually a finalist for the American Book Fest Best Book Award, and it’s praised for being incredibly practical, despite its deep psychological roots. Michelle: Okay, I’m intrigued. If it’s not about just 'toughing it out,' where does Kahn start? What's the big idea that underpins everything else?

Mark: She starts with a radical reframing of failure itself. The core idea is to "fail fast." In our culture, we’re taught to fear failure. It’s seen as a final verdict on our competence. But Kahn argues that in the modern economy, failure is a feature, not a bug. It’s essential data. Michelle: I’ve heard that phrase, "fail fast," tossed around, and it always sounds like a trendy Silicon Valley buzzword. Something that sounds great for a startup with venture capital, but for a regular person in a normal company, isn't failure just... well, failure? It can get you fired. Mark: That’s the exact tension she explores. And to understand how radical this new mindset is, she gives us a little history lesson. It’s actually shocking how we used to treat failure. In ancient Greece, a failed merchant could be forced to sit in the public square with a basket over his head, for everyone to mock. Michelle: A basket? Seriously? That’s brutal. Mark: It gets worse. In premodern Italy, bankrupt businessmen were sometimes paraded naked through the town while crowds jeered. In 17th-century France, you had to wear a special green bonnet to publicly signal your failure and avoid debtors' prison. Failure wasn't just a setback; it was a deep, public humiliation. Michelle: Wow. Okay, so our modern fear of failure has some pretty deep historical roots. It’s not just in our heads. Mark: Precisely. And that’s why the "fail fast" idea is so revolutionary. It asks us to completely invert that history. Think of Thomas Edison. When he was trying to invent the lightbulb, he famously said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." He saw every "failure" as a successful experiment that eliminated a bad option. He was collecting data, not defeats. Michelle: That’s a great line, but again, Edison was a genius inventor working for himself. How does someone working in, say, accounting or marketing at a big corporation adopt that mindset? If I "fail fast" on a quarterly report, my boss isn't going to admire my data collection. Mark: That's the key. It's not about failing recklessly. It's about creating an environment of psychological safety where small, controlled failures are possible. A study from Harvard Business School found that the highest-performing teams weren't the ones that made the fewest mistakes. They were the ones that reported the most mistakes. Michelle: Hold on, that’s completely counter-intuitive. The best teams were the ones that admitted to messing up more? Mark: Exactly. Because their leaders had created a culture where it was safe to say, "Hey, I tried this, and it didn't work," or "I need help with this." That honesty allows the whole team to learn and adapt instantly. In teams without that safety, people hide their mistakes. The mistakes still happen, but they fester in the dark until they become huge, catastrophic problems. So "failing fast" is really about "learning fast." Michelle: Okay, that makes more sense. It’s not about celebrating failure, but about making it safe to talk about it so you can fix it quickly. It’s about shrinking the feedback loop. Mark: You've got it. It’s about shifting failure from a moral judgment to a practical data point. And to do that effectively, you have to create the right environment. But Kahn argues that before we can fix the environment, we have to understand what's happening inside our own heads.

Michelle: Right, because even in the safest environment, failure still stings. It feels personal. Mark: It does. And that's where Kahn takes us next—below the surface, into the internal world of our brains and bodies. She introduces this incredible concept from neuroscience: neuroplasticity. For centuries, we thought the brain was like a machine with fixed hardware. You were born with a certain intelligence or personality, and that was that. Michelle: I think a lot of people still believe that. You’re either "good at math" or you’re not. You’re either a "resilient person" or you’re not. Mark: But the science shows that’s wrong. Our brain is constantly rewiring itself based on our experiences, thoughts, and actions. Kahn calls the brain a "symbol of hope" because it’s not fixed hardware; it’s more like self-changing software. You can literally build new neural pathways for resilience. Michelle: So you can practice being resilient in the same way you practice playing the piano, and your brain physically changes? Mark: That's the idea. But here’s where it gets really interesting and a bit strange. A lot of our reactions aren't conscious. Kahn brings in psychoanalytic ideas to explain our workplace behavior. She talks about our unconscious defense mechanisms—the automatic ways our brain tries to protect us from anxiety or stress. Michelle: That sounds very academic. What does that actually mean for me when my boss is driving me crazy? Mark: It’s incredibly practical. She tells this amazing story about a deeply committed, but introverted, leader. This leader wanted to show his team he was listening intently, so whenever they spoke to him, he would close his eyes to focus on their words. Michelle: Oh no. I can see where this is going. Mark: Right? In his mind, he was being the best, most attentive listener possible. But to his team, it looked like he was bored, dismissive, or falling asleep. They felt ignored and confused. His well-intentioned action was having the opposite effect. Kahn calls this a "blind spot." It's an unconscious habit that we can't see, but it's actively sabotaging our interactions. Michelle: That's wild. It’s like our brains are trying to protect us but end up tripping us. What's another common defense mechanism we see in the office? Mark: A huge one is "projection." This is when you have an uncomfortable feeling or trait in yourself, but you can't admit it, so you "project" it onto someone else. For example, if you're feeling insecure about your own performance on a project, you might start accusing a coworker of being incompetent or not pulling their weight. You're essentially offloading your own anxiety onto them. Michelle: I have definitely seen that happen. It’s like an emotional hot potato. And the person doing it has no idea they’re doing it. Mark: None at all. It's completely unconscious. And that's why Kahn argues that self-awareness is the bedrock of resilience. You have to be willing to look "below the surface" and ask, "What's really going on with me right now? Why did I react so strongly to that email? What am I afraid of?" Without that introspection, we're just puppets of our own unconscious defenses. Michelle: So if we can get a handle on our own weird brain wiring and our blind spots, how do we use that to deal with the biggest resilience drainer you mentioned at the start—other people?

Mark: That’s the final piece of the puzzle. Kahn shows how all this internal self-awareness translates into external action, especially in leadership and conflict. A resilient leader, she says, doesn't just have their own act together; they provide "containment" for their team. Michelle: Containment? What does that mean? Like putting a lid on problems? Mark: Not at all. It's about creating a psychological container—a safe space where the team can process anxiety, take risks, and even fail without feeling like the world is ending. The leader acts as a shock absorber. When there's bad news or a high-pressure situation, a resilient leader can absorb the initial panic, stay calm, and help the team think clearly instead of reacting emotionally. They contain the chaos. Michelle: That is such a powerful image. A leader as a container for the team's anxiety. But how do you do that in a practical sense? Mark: One of the most beautiful tools she offers is a story she calls "Chartier's Pin." The idea is, when a colleague is being difficult, rude, or aggressive, instead of reacting with anger, you pause and try to imagine what "pin" of suffering might be pricking them. Michelle: A pin of suffering? Mark: Yes. Maybe they just got a scary health diagnosis. Maybe their child is struggling. Maybe they're facing financial trouble. You don't know what it is, but you can imagine there's some invisible pin causing them pain, and that pain is making them act out. Michelle: Wow. That's such a powerful empathy tool. It immediately shifts you from a defensive posture to a curious one. It’s not about excusing their bad behavior, but it’s about protecting your own energy by not taking it so personally. Mark: Exactly. It de-escalates the situation in your own mind, which gives you the space to respond constructively instead of just fighting back. And this leads to the ultimate anchor of resilience: purpose. Michelle: The big "why." Mark: The big "why." Kahn tells a simple but profound story about three teachers. They all face the same challenges: difficult students, budget cuts, administrative headaches. The first teacher, Teacher A, is there because his business failed and he needs a paycheck. The second, Teacher B, is there because his parents were teachers, and it's the family tradition. Michelle: And Teacher C? Mark: Teacher C is there because she believes her purpose is to unlock the potential in every child. She sees it as her mission. Now, when a crisis hits, which of those three teachers do you think has the deepest well of resilience to draw from? Michelle: It’s got to be Teacher C. Her "why" is so much bigger than a paycheck or a tradition. It’s a calling. When things get tough, she has a powerful reason to keep going. Mark: That’s the core of it. A strong sense of purpose—what the Japanese call 'Ikigai,' or your reason for being—is the ultimate fuel for resilience. It's the thing that helps you bounce back not just to where you were, but to bounce forward, stronger and wiser than before.

Michelle: It’s really a fascinating framework when you put it all together. It’s not just one thing. It’s this multi-layered approach to building strength from the inside out. Mark: It really is. You can see it as a three-level process. First, on a macro level, you work to change your team's or your organization's entire culture around failure—moving it from a source of shame to a source of data. Michelle: From green bonnets to Edison's lightbulb. Mark: Exactly. Then, on a personal level, you do the internal work. You go "below the surface" to understand your own psychological triggers, your blind spots, your unique brain wiring. Michelle: You figure out why you close your eyes when you’re trying to listen. Mark: And finally, you use that deep self-awareness to navigate the external world. You lead with empathy, providing that "containment" for others. You manage conflict by looking for "Chartier's Pin." And you anchor all of it in a purpose that's bigger than the daily frustrations. Michelle: It really makes you ask yourself a powerful question after any setback: what's the 'story' I'm telling myself about my last failure? Was it a catastrophe that proves I'm incompetent? Or was it just a data point on the path to getting it right? Mark: That’s the perfect question. And changing the answer to that question is the essence of bouncing back. Michelle: I think that’s a great place to leave it. For everyone listening, maybe take a moment this week to think about a recent setback, big or small. What story did you tell yourself about it? We’d love to hear your own "bounce back" stories or how you've learned to reframe failure. Join the conversation on our social channels. Mark: This is Aibrary, signing off.