Mark: The single biggest piece of career advice we're all given is a lie. That endless, exhausting pursuit of 'work-life balance'? It might be the very thing keeping you from a life of meaning and success. Michelle: Whoa, okay, that's a bold way to start. You’re telling me my frantic attempts to juggle my job, my sanity, and my wilting houseplants are all for nothing? Because it sure feels that way most days. Mark: It feels that way because we’re chasing a ghost. That’s the provocative idea at the heart of Be Where Your Feet Are by Scott O'Neil. Michelle: And this isn't coming from a mindfulness guru living in a monastery, right? I looked him up. Scott O'Neil was the CEO of major sports franchises like the Philadelphia 76ers and the New Jersey Devils. He lived in the pressure cooker, which makes his take on this so much more compelling. Mark: Exactly. He’s a guy who operated at the highest levels of business and sports, and he argues that the question we should be asking isn't "how do I find balance?" Michelle: What is it then? Mark: It's "how do I maintain the discipline to be where my feet are?" How do you give 100% of yourself to one thing at a time?

Michelle: Okay, I like the sound of that in theory. ‘Be where your feet are.’ It’s poetic. But what does that actually look like when your phone is buzzing with work emails and your kid is asking for a snack for the fifth time? Give me a real-world example. Mark: The book is filled with them, and one of the most powerful is the story of a man named Don Jabro, a successful hedge fund manager. He's having a rare one-on-one breakfast with his young son, Graham, on a Saturday morning. But he’s not really there. He’s glued to his phone, watching a postgame press conference. Michelle: Oh, I know that scene. I’ve been that person. I’ve sat across from that person. It’s the modern condition. Mark: It is. And at a nearby table, an elderly couple is watching this unfold. They don't say a word to him. But as they get up to leave, they place a small, folded note on his table. Don, a little annoyed, opens it. It reads: "You should pay attention to your son instead of your phone. You only get this time once." Michelle: Ouch. That is a direct hit. I would be mortified. Mark: His first reaction was anger. Defensiveness. Who are these people to judge me? But then, the truth of it just washed over him. He was physically at breakfast with his son, but his mind, his presence, was a million miles away. He was wasting a precious, unrepeatable moment. That note became a wake-up call. Michelle: That’s a powerful story because it’s so simple. It’s not about some grand strategy; it’s about a single choice in a single moment. But hold on, Mark. For someone like Scott O'Neil, or any high-powered executive, isn't this just a justification for being a workaholic? Just be 'present' at work for 16 hours a day and 'present' with your family for the 30 minutes you have left? That still sounds like a recipe for burnout. Mark: That’s the perfect question, and it’s a critique some readers have had—that the advice feels a bit simplistic. But O'Neil addresses this head-on with his own story of failure. He talks about landing his dream job as the president of Madison Square Garden Sports, overseeing the Knicks and the Rangers. And then, very publicly, getting fired. Michelle: Right, a huge professional blow. What does that have to do with presence? Mark: His instinct was to immediately jump back into the fray, to get another job, to prove everyone wrong. His identity was wrapped up in his title. But a mentor, Peter Guber, gave him some radical advice. He said, "Just find a beach somewhere, bring your wife, and tuck that phone away. Get the you back in you. Get the life back in your eyes. Find yourself. Then call me." Michelle: So, decompress. Disconnect. Mark: Exactly. He had to be 100% present in his own life again, not just in his career. He took a trip with his wife where he truly disconnected, and another with his daughters in Europe where he was just 'Dad,' not 'executive.' He realized that being present wasn't just about focusing harder at work; it was about cultivating a reflective strength, an inner calm, that you carry into every part of your life. It’s about choosing to be fully human, not just fully productive. Michelle: Okay, that lands differently. It’s not about compartmentalizing your life into a million tiny, intense moments. It’s about developing an underlying state of presence that you bring everywhere. The foundation has to be solid. Mark: Precisely. And that foundation gets tested most not when things are going well, but when they completely fall apart.

Mark: And that idea of dealing with a huge setback, like getting fired, leads directly to the book's most powerful and vulnerable theme: how you handle it when life punches you in the face. O'Neil quotes Mike Tyson: "Everybody has a plan until you get punched in the face." Michelle: A quote that has never been more true. So what's the book's answer? What do you do when your plan is in tatters? Mark: He calls it "Changing the Race." It’s a three-part process for navigating adversity. And he illustrates it with the most gut-wrenching story in the book: the loss of his best friend, Wil Cardon, to suicide. Michelle: Wow. That's incredibly heavy. How does a framework even apply to something so raw and painful? Mark: That's the point. It’s not a sterile, corporate framework. It’s a human one, born from immense pain. O'Neil describes getting the call and feeling completely numb. His first instinct was to isolate, to retreat into his own grief and guilt. He felt he had failed as a friend, that he hadn't seen how much pain Wil was in. He was stuck. Michelle: I can't even imagine. That kind of loss feels like it would just swallow you whole. What was the first step to 'changing the race'? Mark: The first step is simply recognizing you have a choice. Not a choice to erase the pain, but a choice in how you respond to it. The second, and this is the hardest, is to run toward the storm, not away from it. For O'Neil, this meant accepting his friend's wife's request to speak at the funeral, even though it terrified him. It meant confronting the pain head-on instead of letting it fester in isolation. Michelle: And the third step? Mark: Find your center with the people you care about. After the funeral, O'Neil was still struggling. He was isolating himself at work and at home. He realized that isolation was his kryptonite. So he started opening up. He shared his pain with his family, his friends, his colleagues. He started listening to their stories of pain. And in that shared vulnerability, in that community, he started to heal. He didn't 'get over it,' but he changed the race from one of solitary grief to one of shared healing. Michelle: That’s a profound shift. It’s not about bouncing back, it’s about moving forward differently, with other people. Does this apply to less tragic failures too? Like, say, a business blowing up? Mark: Absolutely. He tells the story of his first big entrepreneurial venture, HoopsTV, during the dot-com boom. He left a stable job, raised $16 million, and went all in. But the timing was wrong—it was a video-heavy site before broadband was common. The company burned through its cash and imploded. Michelle: A classic startup story. Mark: A classic, painful startup story. He had to fire over 50 people, including his own brother. He was financially ruined and fell into a deep depression. He was running a race toward failure. And what pulled him out? The same principles. His wife, Lisa, became his center, encouraging him to reconnect with people. He started exercising and reading again—running toward intellectual and physical health instead of away from his failure. He changed his race from 'failed entrepreneur' to 'learner,' and that new path eventually led him to the NBA and a legendary career. Michelle: So whether it's a devastating personal loss or a catastrophic business failure, the path forward is the same: confront the pain, lean on your community, and consciously choose to run a new, more constructive race. Mark: That's it. It’s not about being invincible. It’s about being resilient. And that resilience comes from presence and connection.

Michelle: You know, as we talk through this, it seems like the whole book boils down to a single, powerful idea: life isn't about avoiding distraction or pain, because you can't. It's about choosing where to direct your full, undivided attention—whether that's on a moment of joy with your kid, or on the hard work of grieving with your community. Mark: Exactly. It's an active, moment-to-moment choice. And O'Neil's challenge to the reader is simple but profound. The next time you're with someone you love, put the phone away. The next time you fail, ask yourself what the lesson is instead of who to blame. It's about these small, intentional choices that, compounded over time, build a life of meaning. Michelle: It reminds me of the epilogue he includes, a quote from John Gardner. It says, "Meaning is not something you stumble across… Meaning is something you build into your life." You build it out of your affections, your loyalties, your values. Mark: A perfect summary. The ingredients are there for all of us. The book is a guide on how to start putting them together. It makes you wonder, what 'race' are you running right now? And is it the one you truly want to be in? Michelle: That’s a question to sit with. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Does the idea of 'presence over balance' resonate with you, or does it feel like a trap? Find us on our socials and join the conversation. Mark: It’s a conversation worth having. Be present, be well, and we’ll talk to you next time. Michelle: This is Aibrary, signing off.