Narrator: In the mid-1990s, Linda Babcock, director of the Ph.D. program at Carnegie Mellon University, noticed a troubling pattern. Her female graduate students were consistently being assigned as teaching assistants, while their male counterparts were teaching their own courses. When she investigated, the associate dean’s explanation was simple and startling: the men asked for the opportunities, and the women did not. This wasn't a case of overt discrimination, but a quiet, pervasive difference in behavior that was setting the men on a faster track to success, giving them better resumes and more experience right out of the gate. This single observation sparked a deep investigation into a powerful, often invisible force holding women back in their careers and personal lives.

In their book, Ask For It: How Women Can Use the Power of Negotiation to Get What They Really Want, authors Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever expose the profound costs of this reluctance to negotiate and provide a clear, actionable program to overcome it. They argue that the simple act of asking is one of the most critical and overlooked skills for achieving personal and professional fulfillment.

Narrator: The authors reveal a fundamental disparity: men initiate negotiations to advance their interests about four times as often as women. This "negotiation gap" is not a minor issue; it has devastating long-term consequences. The book illustrates this with a powerful example. Imagine a 22-year-old man and woman, both fresh out of college, offered the same job with a starting salary of $25,000. The woman accepts the offer as is. The man, however, negotiates and gets his starting salary bumped to $30,000. It seems like a small difference, but the effects of compounding are dramatic. If both receive average 3% annual raises and the man invests the salary difference each year in a low-yield account, by the time they both retire at age 65, he will have accumulated an extra $784,192. This single, early-career negotiation creates a life-altering financial gap. This problem extends beyond salary, affecting promotions, project assignments, and recognition, all because of a powerful internal voice, shaped by societal expectations, that tells many women, "Are you sure you’re as good as you think you are?"

Narrator: Babcock and Laschever argue that a key barrier for women is a psychological one related to their "locus of control." Studies show that women are far more likely than men to believe their lives are controlled by external forces, a mindset of "life happens to me." Men, in contrast, tend to believe they "make life happen." This external locus of control leads women to assume that their worth is determined by their employer and that opportunities will be given to them if they just work hard enough. The book challenges this assumption, urging women to adopt an internal locus of control and recognize that almost everything is negotiable. The story of Joeleen, a frequent business traveler, exemplifies this. For two years, she endured exhausting cross-country flights in coach, assuming it was a fixed company policy. Only after a chance upgrade to first class did a colleague inform her, "The travel office will always bump you up to first class for a long flight if you ask." Joeleen had missed out on two years of comfort and productivity simply because it never occurred to her that she could ask. The first step to getting more is realizing that you have the power to change your circumstances by choosing to negotiate.

Narrator: Successful negotiation is built on a foundation of information. The authors stress that before entering any negotiation, it is critical to do the groundwork, which begins with understanding one's own market value. Without external reference points, women tend to undervalue their work. A study cited in the book found that when asked to pay themselves for a task without any guidance, men paid themselves 63% more than women. However, when a list of what others had been paid was provided, the gender gap vanished. This shows that the issue isn't that women believe their work is inferior, but that they struggle to assess its value in a vacuum. The book tells the story of Patricia, who took a low-paying job in a new city. Before her six-month review, she diligently researched salary ranges for her work using websites and career services. When her boss offered a 10% raise, Patricia was armed with data showing her market value was 23% higher. This information gave her the confidence and evidence to negotiate a much larger increase, proving that information is the ultimate source of power in a negotiation.

Narrator: One of the most significant determinants of a negotiation's outcome is the target you set before you even begin. Babcock and Laschever present compelling research showing that people who aim higher consistently get more. Women, however, often set their targets too low, limiting their potential gains from the outset. The book shares the story of Gwen, a business manager at a successful winery. After six years of expanding responsibilities, she researched comparable salaries and decided to ask for a 25% raise, though she was nervous. Her boss agreed immediately, leading Gwen to wonder if she had aimed too low. To counteract this tendency, the authors advocate for a cooperative, "win-win" approach to bargaining. Rather than viewing negotiation as a battle, it should be seen as a collaborative problem-solving exercise. This involves understanding the other side's underlying interests, not just their stated positions. By asking questions and working together to "enlarge the pie," both parties can find creative solutions that leave everyone better off and strengthen the relationship.

Narrator: The authors confront a difficult reality: women often face a social penalty for being assertive. Behavior that is seen as confident in a man can be perceived as "bossy" or "aggressive" in a woman. This "likability factor" means women must walk a tightrope, balancing assertiveness with warmth and friendliness. The key is to remain pleasant and cooperative while still being firm about one's goals. The book suggests using "I" statements, focusing on shared goals, and maintaining a positive, problem-solving demeanor. The story of Linda's mother trying to get a doctor's appointment for her sick daughter is a perfect illustration. Faced with refusal from the receptionist and the nurse, her mother didn't become angry or demanding. She remained polite but incredibly persistent, calmly escalating her request until she spoke directly to the doctor, who, remembering her as a long-time patient, immediately agreed to see Linda. Her mother’s success came from being both relentless and likable, a combination that is essential for women to master in negotiation.

Narrator: The single most important takeaway from Ask For It is that the decision to negotiate is itself the most critical step. The book powerfully demonstrates that women are systematically disadvantaged, not by a lack of ability, but by a reluctance to engage in the very process that shapes their careers, finances, and lives. By failing to ask, they are not just accepting a lower salary; they are accepting a different life trajectory with fewer opportunities and diminished financial security.

The true impact of this book is its transformation of the phrase "asking for it" from a term of blame into a call for empowerment. It challenges readers to recognize that if they never hear the word "no," it’s a sign they aren’t asking for enough. The ultimate question it leaves is not if you should negotiate, but what will you lose if you don’t?