Dr. Celeste Vega: What if I told you that for decades, women have been playing the game of love on 'hard mode' simply because they're using the wrong rulebook? Steve Harvey, in his explosive book 'Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man,' argues that men are incredibly simple. So simple, in fact, that their entire motivation can be boiled down to just three things. And if you don't understand those three things, you'll always be one step behind.

Saabie: That’s a bold claim, Celeste. It suggests that so much of the emotional complexity we attribute to relationships might just be… noise.

Dr. Celeste Vega: Exactly. And that's what we're here to do today—cut through the noise. Today, we're going to decode this playbook from three angles. First, we'll explore the male 'operating system'—what truly drives and motivates men. Then, we'll discuss how men's love is fundamentally different from women's love, and how to recognize it. And finally, we'll focus on a powerful strategy, the '90-Day Rule,' for getting the respect you deserve. Our guest today, Saabie, is a curious and analytical thinker passionate about self-improvement, and I can't wait to unpack this with her. Welcome, Saabie!

Saabie: Thanks for having me, Celeste. I'm ready to get my hands on this playbook. As someone who's always looking to improve my mindset and relationships, the idea of a hidden 'operating system' is incredibly intriguing.

Dr. Celeste Vega: So, Saabie, let's jump right into the deep end. Harvey's first big reveal is what he calls the three things that drive every man. He says it's not love, it's not family, it's: who they are, what they do, and how much they make.

Saabie: Wow. That's… direct. So, my title, my job, and my salary. It sounds very transactional.

Dr. Celeste Vega: It does, but Harvey illustrates it with a powerful story from his own life. In the early 80s, he was laid off from the Ford Motor Company. He was a college dropout, directionless, and broke. He had no answer to "who he was" or "what he did." Then, a friend pushed him to try stand-up comedy at an amateur night. He was terrified, but he went up, told his jokes, and he won. The prize was fifty dollars.

Saabie: Fifty dollars. That's not a lot of money, even then.

Dr. Celeste Vega: It wasn't about the money. It was about what the money represented. That night, he went and had business cards printed. They said, "Steve Harvey. Comedian." For the first time, he had an answer. Who he was? A comedian. What he did? Comedy. How much he made? Well, he was on his way. Harvey's point is that until a man feels he has a solid footing in these three areas, a woman can only fit into the cracks of his life.

Saabie: That's a fascinating framework. It reframes what can feel like personal rejection into something… structural. It suggests a man can't fully show up in a relationship until he feels 'complete' in his own mission. It's less about him ignoring the woman and more about a sequential process of self-actualization he feels he must go through.

Dr. Celeste Vega: Precisely. And to fuel that mission, Harvey says a man has three fundamental, non-negotiable needs from his partner: Support, Loyalty, and what he famously calls 'the cookie'—sex. He argues that support is about making him feel like a king in his own home, a safe haven from the world. Loyalty is his primary definition of love—knowing you have his back no matter what. And intimacy is the essential bond that recharges him.

Saabie: So, if a woman understands his core drivers—his mission—and provides the fuel he needs, she becomes an indispensable partner in that mission, not a distraction from it. That's a very different way of thinking about a partnership. It’s strategic.

Dr. Celeste Vega: It's entirely strategic. And that strategic thinking is critical when we get to our next point: the language of love itself.

Dr. Celeste Vega: And that idea of 'support' leads us perfectly to our second point, which is a huge source of conflict: how men and women define love. Harvey argues that women expect men to love like they do—nurturing, patient, endlessly verbalizing their feelings. But he says a man's love is simpler, more direct. It comes down to three actions: Profess, Provide, and Protect.

Saabie: The Three P's. Okay, I'm listening. What does that look like in practice?

Dr. Celeste Vega: Let's focus on "Profess," because Harvey tells a story that makes it crystal clear. He describes attending an annual Christmas dinner for twelve years. Every year, a particular man would bring a new, beautiful woman. But he would always introduce her the same way: "Everybody, this is Tiffany." Just her name. Then he'd leave her to fend for herself while he networked. She was an accessory.

Saabie: I think we've all seen that happen. It's painful to watch.

Dr. Celeste Vega: Right? But then, one year, everything changed. He walked in with a woman, held her hand, and said, "Everybody, I'd like you to meet, Michelle." He didn't leave her side all night. He introduced her to everyone, got her drinks, made sure she was part of the conversation. The next year, he brought Michelle back. And this time, the introduction was, "Everyone, this is my fiancée."

Saabie: Wow. The difference is night and day. So, the 'Profess' part isn't just a title, it's a public declaration of value. He's not just claiming you; he's telling the world was successful in winning you. It completely shifts the power dynamic. A woman who understands this won't accept being a nameless guest at the party.

Dr. Celeste Vega: That's the core of it. And the other two P's are just as action-oriented. "Provide" means he works to ensure you have what you need—it’s tied directly to his core drivers. "Protect" means he will defend you, physically and emotionally. If someone disrespects you, he takes it as a personal affront. For Harvey, if a man isn't doing these three things, he doesn't love you, no matter what pretty words he says.

Saabie: So the takeaway is to stop listening for "I love you" and start for the Three P's. It's about observing actions, not just words. This really appeals to the analytical side of me. It's about collecting evidence of love, not just hoping for it.

Dr. Celeste Vega: Exactly. Which brings us to the most practical, and maybe most controversial, piece of the playbook.

Dr. Celeste Vega: So if men are driven by their mission and show love through action, how do you ensure you're not just a temporary part of the plan? This brings us to Harvey's most famous strategy: The 90-Day Rule.

Saabie: Ah, the legendary 90-Day Rule. I've heard about this. The idea is to wait 90 days before becoming sexually intimate, right? Some people see it as old-fashioned or a game.

Dr. Celeste Vega: Harvey frames it in a way that’s anything but a game. He uses another analogy from his time at the Ford Motor Company. When he got that job, he didn't get benefits on day one. He had a 90-day probationary period. He had to show up on time, do the work, follow orders, and prove he was an asset to the company. Only after those 90 days did he get the full package: medical, dental, all of it.

Saabie: Okay, I see where this is going.

Dr. Celeste Vega: He asks a very pointed question: "Why are you ladies passing out benefits to men before they've even proven themselves worthy of the job?" The 90-Day Rule is a probationary period for him.

Saabie: I love that reframe. It's not about withholding affection as a punishment or a test of his patience. It's about establishing a 'data collection period.' For 90 days, you're observing his consistency, his problem-solving skills, his character under pressure. You're seeing if he demonstrates the Three P's. You're making an informed, data-driven decision about whether he's 'hired' for the long-term role, rather than a purely emotional one.

Dr. Celeste Vega: You've hit the nail on the head. It's not a passive waiting period. You're actively evaluating. Does he call when he says he will? How does he react when you have a problem? Does he respect your boundaries? A man who is only interested in the 'benefits' will likely fail the probation. A man who is serious about the 'job' will see the 90 days as the time to prove he's the best candidate.

Saabie: It empowers the woman to be the hiring manager of her own life, not just an applicant hoping to be chosen. It puts the power to grant the 'benefits' squarely in her hands, based on performance. That's a huge mindset shift.

Dr. Celeste Vega: It is. And it's the ultimate expression of self-respect. It says, "My commitment is valuable, and it must be earned."

Dr. Celeste Vega: So, as we wrap up, it seems we've uncovered a clear path through Harvey's playbook. We've seen that men are driven by their mission—who they are, what they do, how much they make.

Saabie: And that they show love through concrete actions—the Three P's of Profess, Provide, and Protect. It's a different language of love that we need to learn to recognize.

Dr. Celeste Vega: And finally, that they respect standards, which women can establish through strategies like the 90-Day Rule, turning the dating process into an evaluation period where the woman holds the power.

Saabie: Absolutely. And I think the most important takeaway for me is that understanding this 'playbook' isn't about changing who you are to please a man. It's about being strategic. It’s about knowing your own value so you can confidently set the terms of engagement. It’s the ultimate act of self-confidence.

Dr. Celeste Vega: Beautifully put. In the book, Harvey uses a Monopoly analogy. He says don't be Baltic Avenue, the cheap property anyone can land on. Be Broadway. Be prime real estate that is for purchase only. So that leaves us with one final question for everyone listening, and for you, Saabie: What is one non-negotiable standard—your 'Broadway property'—that you need to start enforcing in your relationships, starting today?

Saabie: That's a powerful question to sit with. It forces you to define your own worth. For me, I think it's about intellectual and emotional consistency. If your words and actions don't align over that 90-day period, the deal is off. That's my Broadway.

Dr. Celeste Vega: I love that. Thank you so much for this insightful conversation, Saabie.

Saabie: Thank you, Celeste. It was a pleasure.